Shoo Woo Woo Logo


Yes Cowpokes, it’s finally here! As promised last post, Tetherd Cow Ahead is excited to bring you the ShooWooWoo™! With its patented Fractal Quantum Magnetic Levitatory Field, the ShooWooWoo™ fends off quacks and charlatans for up to a lifetime! Using revolutionary new scientific discoveries, the ShooWooWoo™ guarantees* that your website will never be pestered by mountebanks or snake-oil salesman again! Better still, the ShooWooWoo™ comes in a delightful shade of lavender and is absolutely FREE! To claim your FREE ShooWooWoo™ merely copy the code below and paste it into the appropriate part of the html for your sidebar or your page! No need to do anything else – images & links will appear as if by magic! But it’s NOT magic. Oh, no, no, no! It’s quantum physics and magnetic static with a little sprinkle of FeelyGood™!

<a target="_blank" title="Tetherd Cow Ahead" href="https://www.tetherdcow.com/?cat=76"><img src="https://www.tetherdcow.com/tetherdcow/cowimage/shoowoologo.jpg" alt="Shoo Woo Woo Logo" /></a>

Display your ShooWooWoo™ with pride! It will send all purveyors of Woo to the Tetherd Cow Ahead Skeptical Thinking category, where they can ruminate respectfully on their crimes against intelligence!

This has been another Tetherd Cow Ahead public service.

SPECIAL OFFER! Now also available in vibrant jade:


Shoo Woo Woo Logo



<a target="_blank" title="Tetherd Cow Ahead" href="https://www.tetherdcow.com/?cat=76"><img src="https://www.tetherdcow.com/tetherdcow/cowimage/shoowoowoojade.jpg" alt="Shoo Woo Woo Logo" /></a>

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*Does not cover underwater use.

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The Quantum Flea

Does your pet have fleas? Do you laboriously de-flea Fido or Felix every few months, dreading the inevitable infestation when summer arrives? Is your flea comb blunt-to-the-blade from the amount of use it gets? Well my friend THOSE DAYS ARE GONE! The wondrous ShooTag™ has arrived! No more chemicals! No more squishing the little blood-suckers between your nails! No more WORK! Just clip on the ShooTag™ & kick back with another mojito as the miracle of ‘science’ brings its quantum electro-dynamic guns to bear on the field of pest control!

It is to employ teh Sarcasm.

Yes folks, it’s another nutty scam from the same mindset that brought you unlimited free energy, clairvoyant pens and magic water. Swinging in with that Ol’ Reliable of pseudoscience, ‘magnetism’, ShooTag™ uses a ‘three dimensional electromagnetic static field embedded in a magnetic strip’ to rid your pet from pests for up to 4 months! I know – it sounds incredible! Because it is! Entirely incredible, as in, ‘not credible’.

Let’s examine some of the claims that the purveyors of ShooTag™ offer up on their site. This is a terrific opportunity to observe the workings of a classic con in action:

First, pick an outcome that is difficult to determine in a real world situation: Of course, you know when your pet has fleas – it’s fairly obvious. You might possibly even know when your pet doesn’t have any fleas at all – but that’s a lot harder to tell. The gamut of possibilities between those two extremes, though, is highly difficult to gauge outside a controlled laboratory setting. It’s the rich, vast exploitable landscape of anecdotal evidence. Perfect! Line the suckers up!

Next, make some extravagant but hard-to-disprove claims: ‘ShooTag™ combines cutting-edge science and technology to produce a “green” product that emits electromagnetic frequencies to keeps pests at away!’; It ‘uses electromagnetic frequencies to create a protective barrier from pests that lasts up to 4 months!.

Let’s examine some of those words: What evidence exists to say that electromagnetic frequencies keep pests away? There’s none that I could find (except on the websites of people selling products similar to ShooTag™). Why are electromagnetic frequencies ‘green’ here, but ‘toxic’ when you use your mobile phone? How come the barrier ‘lasts up to 4 months’? If it’s a magnet, shouldn’t it last forever? Or, if it is an electromagnet and has batteries, then couldn’t you replace them? Are we supposed to believe that the elecromagnetic properties of ShooTag™ sort of fade away over time? Could it be that, after four months you have to (gasp) buy another ShooTag™? And those two words ‘up to’… ‘Up to’ could be anywhere from a couple of days onward… It’s advertising-speak piled on hogwash piled on flim-flam.

The next step: blind them with science: There’s a tab at the top of the ShooTag™ home page that takes us to ‘The Science Behind ShooTag™’. Let’s see now… hmmm. ‘Atoms are mostly space…’ yes, well, OK…‘magnetic static…’ (Magnetic static? What the…?), ‘quantum and gravitational fields…’ (is this a flea-control system or a warp drive?) and best of all ‘produces an expanding barrier effect, keeping away the targeted pests’. ‘Targeted pests’? The electromagnetism has the ability to discriminate?

In case it needs to be said, the ‘science’ offered up on this page is what I shall henceforth call ‘sausage science’, ie, baloney. The fancy-sounding phrases and the faux lesson in quantum electrodynamics are as nonsensical as a jabberwocky. The word ‘quantum’ itself has become the modern equivalent of ‘magnetism’; a mysterious force that [cue theremin] ‘No-one understands!’ Heck, why shouldn’t it repel fleas!

But wait! There’s more! What’s this over in the corner here – a scientific document! It’s a pdf of a report to something called the Quantum Agriculture Journal by a Prof William Nelson. ((This has been removed from the Shoo!TAG site after my criticism. I’ll let that action speak for itself.)) Let’s do a Search™ on the ol’ Quantum Agriculture Journal… that sounds like something I might want to subscribe to! Well, well – sadly (if a little predictably), only two lonely links ((I guess I’m giving them three now…)), both of them pointing back to the ShooTag site. And as for ‘Prof’ Nelson… let’s just say that in the Quantum Hoodjy Goodjy Stakes he’s ‘got form’. ((You might, for amusement, like to look up his Xrroid Quantum Medical Consciousness Interface System. If anyone suffers from xrroids, it’s this guy, given the amount of utter crap that he generates.)); The ‘scientific’ document itself (if you can be bothered) is a hare-brained ramble through a whole mess of abracadabra, beginning with some descriptions of chaotic attractors, jumping through magnetic resonance imaging and the electrical sensitivity of sharks, and ending up with the conductivity of chemicals in cells. It’s the most meaningless agglomeration of waffle that I’ve attempted to read in a very long while. If you’ve ever even seen a scientific paper, you know this ain’t one of those.

You might think, from reading through the ShooTag™ site that this is all a bit of harmless misguided opportunism, but Faithful Acowlytes, these disingenuous swindlers must know that what they sell is crap. The language they use, the fake ‘journal’ they invoke, their diffuse claims, the meaningless testimonials ((These ‘real-life’ people (all from Texas it would seem) are credible exactly why?)) – all these things are the conjurings of cynical rip-off merchants. If they have science, they’d show it. If this thing worked, malaria doctors from Bolivia to Eritrea would be all over it (otherwise, you’ve got to be thinking they either don’t know about it… um… or they are willfully letting their patients die. Why? Oh, that’s right: it’s all an Evil Plot by Big Pharma!)

Anyways, Cowpokes, fear not. Here at TCA Labs the boffins have been hard at work to remedy this appalling situation. Stay tuned for our Part 2 of this post when we will be bringing you the TCA ShooWooWoo™

ADDENDUM: More about ShooTag™, including a ‘defense’ of the product from ShooTag™’s CEO here.

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Thanks (if that’s the right word) to Atlas for bringing ShooTag™ to the attention of The Cow

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Mister Ffoeg



Today, Mister Ffoeg wrote to Sister Veronica, enclosing a picture of himself (above) and the following missive:

From: misterffoeg@hotmail.com
Subject: ever seen a real halo?
Date: 27 March 2009 2:39:03 AM
To: sisterveronica@tetherdcow.com

the photo is not edited at all. i saved it at lowest quality in hopes of merely pixelating it and sure enough (i was on a weird kick at the time) i was manifesting this halo. it tastes great and it’s less filling.

I make the following observations:

•‘Ffoeg’ is ‘Geoff’ backwards. That’s pretty lame.

•Mr Ffoeg implies that Sister Veronica’s halo is not real. That’s impolite.

•Mr Ffoeg evidently ate his halo. That’s bizarre.

•Mr Ffoeg believes his halo is tasty and ‘less filling’. Less filling than what? A plate of cheese fries? Walkabout Soup? The Zero? That’s far fetched.

•Mr Ffoeg, despite being completely off his face on halo-juice, is able to correctly punctuate his emails (despite having no Shift key on his computer). That’s suspicious.

Make of all this what you will. Sister Veronica just looked at the email and said:

“Tool.”

By the tone of her voice, I assume that’s not meant to be a compliment. Please feel free to write to Mr Ffoeg and ask him further questions about the nutritional value (or just plain tastiness) of haloes. Perhaps he has recipes, and/or serving suggestions!*

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*Y’know, when I was a kid, I always thought ‘serving suggestion’ meant ‘add strawberries’. That’s because I only ever saw those words each morning on the Cornflakes packet, as I munched away at my breakfast.

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You know you’ll never survive the Apocalypse when you wonder for a moment why the spelling on your handwritten shopping list didn’t just auto-correct…

Srsly.

Oh noes!

Bernie

This man is Bernard d’Espagnat. He has a brain the size of a planet. In his extraordinary career, he has worked with other people with brains the size of planets, including Louis de Broglie, Enrico Fermi and Niels Bohr.*

D’Espagnat has just been awarded the 2009 Templeton Prize, which, in the words of the Templeton Foundation, is bestowed on a recipient for ‘progress toward research or discoveries about spiritual realities’, and carries with it a useful £1 million in pocket money.

M. d’Espagnat was given the prize this year for his work in quantum physics, and in particular for his assertions that ‘reality’ (whatever that is) can never be truly known by us in any meaningful sense. Crucially, in regard to the Templeton Prize, his conclusions about what he has discovered in his research veer towards the metaphysical.

From New Scientist:

‘Unlike classical physics,’ d’Espagnat explains, ‘quantum mechanics cannot describe the world as it really is, it can merely make predictions for the outcomes of our observations. If we want to believe, as Einstein did, that there is a reality independent of our observations, then this reality can either be knowable, unknowable or veiled.’

D’Espagnat subscribes to the third view and hypothesizes a ‘‘veiled reality’ that science does not describe but only glimpses uncertainly’. A veiled reality that encompasses what he refers to as a ‘Being’ and ‘a great, hypercosmic God’.

All things considered, I’m happy that the Templeton Foundation is spending their (evidently) vast fortunes in this way (let’s face it – the money could be going to Creationists). John Templeton, the founder of the organization, was the kind of religious person of whom we need many more. As a practising Presbyterian Christian he asked a question that all believers of religion should ask:

Why shouldn’t I try to learn more? Why shouldn’t I go to Hindu services? Why shouldn’t I go to Muslim services? If you are not egotistical, you will welcome the opportunity to learn more.

Indeed.

It puzzles me, however, that M. d’Espagnat, genius that he indisputably is, seems unable to grasp what is apparently too much of a subtlety of his ‘veiled’ reality; if it exists why must it imply the existence of his hypercosmic God, rather than infer instead that our human brains (planet-size or otherwise) may simply not be capable of understanding the true nature of things? This, to me, seems to be a far likelier explanation than the unsupported jump to the notion of a mysterious and inscrutable creator.†

Perplexingly, d’Espagnat himself seems to be within stepping distance of the same conclusion. He said, on receipt of the prize:

I feel myself deeply in accordance with the Templeton Foundation’s great, guiding idea that science does shed light (on spirituality). In my view it does so mainly by rendering unbelievable an intellectual construction claiming to yield access to the ultimate ground of things with the sole use of the simple, somewhat trivial notions everybody has.

It would appear, then, that he is merely replacing a simple (or trivial) faith in God with a complicated one built on the scaffold of a type of physics and mathematics that very few people understand. Sure, it’s not the thunder-and-lightning enemy-smiting God of the Evangelical Christians/Muslims/Hebrews, but it comes from exactly the same irrational place; the hubris of humans and our belief that the Universe revolves around us.

It seems, then, that in this realm we’ve not really made many advances since Copernicus after all.

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*If those names don’t mean anything to you, they should. They are among the brightest and most insightful scientists we have ever known.

†Which, in any case, is a completely simplistic and futile supposition – as I’ve said elsewhere: if you want to make that assessment, then you may as well suppose that you, your world and all your memories were created by that God yesterday, fully formed and intact – how would you ever know? It’s the same kind of intellectual pursuit. From there, a raft of fanciful worlds become possible and reality unravels like ball of wool in the paws of a kitten.

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Faithful Acowlytes King Willy and Pil have been been on a pilgrimage to Cow Central these last few days, and lawks, I thought they’d never leave what a fabtacular time we’ve all had. There was gingerbread, and whisky and birthday cake and all manner of shenanigans. Hopefully, by now they’ve made it back through Sydney Airport without being assaulted by biker gangs and are kicking back with extra spicy Virgin Marys on their terrace.

While they were here, they were amused to discover that I have my own brand of milk.

The Milk of Human Kindness



This is something that, until they pointed it out, I’d comprehensively failed to notice (that sometimes happens when one is the spokesperson for a supernatural being). Henceforth let it be known that here at The Cow, not only do we have plenty of The Milk of Human Kindness, but it’s low fat as well!



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