Tetherd Cow Ahead

Top Ten searches that have brought people to Tetherd Cow Ahead in recent times. Sister Veronica sends a big shout out to all you wasp-loving Renaissance art perverts!

Step 1 (click on pic):

Every now and then Sister Veronica gets a letter like this one that she received last week:

Dear Sister Veronica,

Can you believe it has been 3 years and 1 day since your last (and, ironically, first) “Dear Sister Veronica” bit at the Cow? I’ve been sipping Rasputin beer and talking about you with my pal, Joey. And we’re both wondering how’s come you haven’t been seen at the Reverend’s in a while, and more importantly, how come you haven’t show us your magnificent udders yet? Neither of us is good with astrology, but both of us agree that a peep show is DEFINITELY in the cards.

Your Biggest Fans,

Atlas C. and Joey P.

Mostly she just rolls her eyes and resumes application of nail polish to her toes, but this time she pointed out that (speaking of ‘things on the cards’) we never did revisit the predictions she made in 2007 for major events of that year. And dammit, it looks like she’s right! Somehow I completely overlooked my promise to see just how well she did with her clairvoyant powers. If you don’t recall her forecasts (such as an earthquake in Peru and the winner of the 2007 Academy Awards) you can refresh your memory here.

Looking back at 2007 it seems that Sister Veronica’s crystal ball is sporting an astonishing 100% success rate. If you want to check her accuracy, Wikipedia lists some of the important events of 2007 here. Sister V managed to score an incredible five direct hits out of five specific predictions WELL BEFORE THEY HAPPENED!! (plus she made two bonus predictions for 2008 which I think you’ll agree are more than a little uncanny!) Sylvia Browne, it’s time for you to hang up your hat and call it a day.

Now that’s what we call persuasive evidence of psychic ability!

Today, Mister Ffoeg wrote to Sister Veronica, enclosing a picture of himself (above) and the following missive:

From: misterffoeg@hotmail.com
Subject: ever seen a real halo?
Date: 27 March 2009 2:39:03 AM
To: sisterveronica@tetherdcow.com

the photo is not edited at all. i saved it at lowest quality in hopes of merely pixelating it and sure enough (i was on a weird kick at the time) i was manifesting this halo. it tastes great and it’s less filling.

I make the following observations:

•‘Ffoeg’ is ‘Geoff’ backwards. That’s pretty lame.

•Mr Ffoeg implies that Sister Veronica’s halo is not real. That’s impolite.

•Mr Ffoeg evidently ate his halo. That’s bizarre.

•Mr Ffoeg believes his halo is tasty and ‘less filling’. Less filling than what? A plate of cheese fries? Walkabout Soup? The Zero? That’s far fetched.

•Mr Ffoeg, despite being completely off his face on halo-juice, is able to correctly punctuate his emails (despite having no Shift key on his computer). That’s suspicious.

Make of all this what you will. Sister Veronica just looked at the email and said:

“Tool.”

By the tone of her voice, I assume that’s not meant to be a compliment. Please feel free to write to Mr Ffoeg and ask him further questions about the nutritional value (or just plain tastiness) of haloes. Perhaps he has recipes, and/or serving suggestions!*

___________________________________________________________________________

*Y’know, when I was a kid, I always thought ‘serving suggestion’ meant ‘add strawberries’. That’s because I only ever saw those words each morning on the Cornflakes packet, as I munched away at my breakfast.

___________________________________________________________________________

Sister Veronica doesn’t get a lot of email. When she does, it is usually of the variety:

Dear Sister Veronica,

I think you’re hot, can you send me an autographed picture of yourself naked?

Yours truly,
jedimacfan.

She’s quite used to that kind of thing. Imagine her surprise though, when she received this request from Kelvin:

Date: 31 October 2007 7:21:01 AM
To: sisterveronica

Hello,

Am Kelvin and would like to make an order of Floor Tiles from your store and would like to know the types and sizes you have in stock as well as the prices and the types of credit cards that you accept.More over would like it to be shipped to west Africa Ghana.Thank you and looking forward to hear from you.

Regards
Kelvin

Kelvin must have been looking for Sister Veronica’s Crazy Tile & Paver Warehouse. An understandable mistake.

A little while back, just after I posted my little observation on the claims of Irish ‘Free Energy’ company Steorn, my page load stats spiked. Scanning back over the visitors provides some fascinating reading: lots of name searches for ‘Sean McCarthy’, ‘Richard Walshe’, ‘Steorn’ and various combinations of those. Now it’s impossible to know exactly what this means but the fact is that posting about loony scientific claims seems to attract nearly as much interest as posting about erotic images.

With that thought, it is pretty obvious that combining these two fields is really going to jazz up the Hit-O-Meter.

So it is my pleasure to bring to you today… Sister Veronica’s Science Report!

Over to you babe.

Oh wow! So cool Reverend!!!! Y’know I always thought science was, like, fully wicked at sk00l. LOL!!!! Mr. Smythe looked so HOT in that lab coat. LOL! ;-)

OK!! Life’s not a rehearsal!”DoN’t GoTtA gEt AlL cRaZy…ReLaX. ReAdy? Go!”

2day I’m going to talk about MARS! Like the PLANET but + also THE GOD OF WAR!!!

Did U know that there is a FACE on Mars and no 1 can xplain it???? TRUE!! Herez a pic.

Slammin’!!!! Soooo rad! OMG if U think this isn’t proof of alienz you are fully **lame**!! + not many peepl no this, but the 1st country to land on Mars (the RED planet) was RUSSIA! + it was during the Cold WAR!!! OMG!!! Coinsidence????? :-0

I read that NASA has little RoBoTz on Mars! True! LOL! Like little r2d2s that are xploring and looking for more evidenz of LIFE!

But its ALL FAKE!!! ReallY!!!! Its what the U$A wants U to think…. but ACTULLY they R filming it in a film set!!!! LOL. TRUE!!! I saw this MoViE about it once. MaDe U ThInK!!

ScIeNcE!

WhAts iT aLL AbOuT???????

XOXOXOXOX