Tetherd Cow Ahead

I called the number on the sign but only got a message.

Luke Jerram is one of my favourite living artists. His works are clever and amusing and have a delightful ‘cool’ factor that always finds me saying ‘I wish I’d thought of that!’

His Miracle Toaster is no exception. Made as a gift for ‘a friend who believes in miracles’, Jerram says that an image of the Virgin is guaranteed every time the toaster is used.

Considering my interest in toasters and simulacra, I feel that I should add one of Jerram’s toasters to my Christmas List right away.

I urge you all to go visit Luke’s site. Amongst other things you will see the ring he made for his fiancé (etched with a spiral engraving of a message of love that can be played on a small reproducing device in the manner of an old cylinder recording), his awesome Sky Orchestra, and a net for catching meteorites.

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Don’t forget the ‘Insincerity‘ launch – October 31st!

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Halloween 2006 sees the launch of my new image exhibition ‘Insincerity – The Icons of Mistrust’. All Cow readers are, of course, invited!

If anyone has any ideas on promotion for my show I’m open to suggestions – I’m trying to spread the news as far and wide as I can. Along with that, I’m also thinking of webcasting the opening, so if any of you have experience with that, please let me know!

You can see all 17 images in the exhibition here. The final works are printed on high quality heavy weight rag paper with fully archival inks, and are 700mm (27.5in) square. They look spectacular.

The Athanasius Kircher Society has a nice piece this morning on the Dinner Table Railroad of Gaston Menier. In 1887, the apparently eccentric French chocolate magnate devised a system for his dining room whereby meals could be bought to the table by a small electric train, evidently in an effort to obviate the need for servants to present the food. Personally I can see all kinds of possibilities for disaster here – I’m thinking that at this dinner party there’s much more than just the conversation that could get derailed.

Anyway, it seems to me that this meals-on-wheels situation is so choc-full of pun potential that I thought I’d open it up to the floor.

The British arms manufacturer BAE Systems (Corporate Slogan: Real Breadth; Real Performance; Real Delivery) has come up with the quaint idea of Environmentally Friendly Munitions. That’s right folks – Green Weapons.

BAE’s range includes reduced-lead bullets, reduced-smoke grenades and rockets with fewer toxins. BAE’s vehicles boast lower emissions, and BAE aim to recycle or compost waste or used explosives.

War is usually hell, but with BAE, War is Health! No fear of dying of lead poisoning or smoke inhalation on the battlefield when you shop with BAE!

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Thanks Sean!

Don’t forget to vote for my post What I Believe But Cannot Prove in The Philosophy Blog War!

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I remember reading an interview with Madonna some years back in which she claimed that she had given up all the wacky belief systems she’d been into and now had taken up Kabbalah. ‘Cos, like, that’s not a wacky belief system, right?

So of course she wouldn’t endorse some loopy scheme involving pouring ‘blessed’ water into lakes polluted with nuclear waste to ‘cleanse’ them, right?

And she wouldn’t be lobbying the British Government to approve the scheme, right?

Yes, loyal Acowlytes, I can see that you’ve grasped the rhetorical nature of those questions. Madonna is indeed trying to persuade government officials that enchanted magic water will eliminate the problem of radioactive contamination.

Here’s a quote from Madonna in which she casually attempts to hint that, in spite of what we all thinks she spends her days doing, she’s actually been hangin’ out with the geek crowd:

“I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste,” she said. “That’s something I’ve been involved with for a while with a group of scientists – finding a way to neutralise radiation, believe it or not.”

Yep, Madonna has been beavering away behind the scenes in the lab with her egg-head homies solving all the world’s problems while you have been doing what? Just pirating her mp3s and dropping E, I’ll wager.

It occurs to me that there is a scientific equation that can be solved here. Madonna is rich and, with very little acumen about just how it might be done, wants to save the world. On the other side of the plus sign, the Steorn crackpots are looking for gullible air-heads with plenty of spare cash. If only someone would put them together – then they might amuse one another for years and eventually disappear up each other’s magnetic vortex.

You know, I really hate to admit it, but in light of all this I have really developed a new respect for Bill Gates.