Tetherd Cow Ahead

Some questions:

1. Coke has an expiry date?

2. Why are they selling it in a pharmacy?

3. Why do you need ‘grip’ on a Coke bottle?

4. Is ‘Just out of date’ any different to ’10 years out of date’ when it comes to Coca Cola?

5. Why don’t pharmacists have any sense of humour? ((I pointed out that I thought it was funny and she looked at me as if I was a lunatic.))

6. Coke has an expiry date?

Some years ago a tree in our backyard was cut down, and the stump cleared. Now, all through the year we have this weird fungus that keeps on growing up where the roots were. Violet Towne likes to ruthlessly lay into it with the mattock, but despite her best efforts, a little bit of rain and up it comes again.

It’s really quite an unsettling organism. It has a kind of a dead fleshy texture and colour… If you look very closely, it’s sort of brain-like. And recently it’s started to ooze something that looks awfully like blood…

If anyone actually knows what’s going on here, I’d love some more information. What is the red stuff? It seems very slightly oily… not particularly sticky. It washes off in the rain and you can quite clearly see little pits where it was – so it’s something that the fungus has evolved to do. It doesn’t seem to attract insects and I can’t for the life of me think of what it might be for (other than to conjure images to disturb my sleep).

The capacity for stupid people to part with huge amounts of cash on schemes concocted by morally bankrupt swindlers never ceases to amaze me. It’s as if there’s a reservoir of schmucks out there who are just busting to empty their bank accounts into the pockets of criminals. Here on The Cow this is very familiar territory. Over the years we’ve seen the duplicitous Shoo!TAG™ scammers bilking all and sundry with their nutso pest repellent scheme; the smarmy Steorn with their ‘free energy’ shell game (a scam that’s centuries old in one form or another); the Space Diamond fraudsters who promise untold wealth via implausible interstellar retrieval schemes. And the list goes on.

Sometimes I like to play this game in my head where I make up the weirdest scheme I can imagine and speculate on whether people would pay money for it. For instance, I’ll look out my window and see something like, oh, let’s see – bird shit – and then make it the centre of some daft scam. I’ll imagine, for instance, that there’s some place that offers to rub bird shit on your face for money. Maybe I’ll even elaborate on it a bit to make it even more implausible – maybe it’s not just bird shit they’re offering to smoosh all over your dial but, oh, let’s see something really off the wall… I’ve got it! Nightingale shit!

Hahahaha! No-one would believe that in a BILLION years. No-one on the PLANET is dumb enough to fork out for that.

Hahhahahahahahaha!

WRONG!

A good friend of mine snapped the above shot in a church in Georgia (the Russian one, not the Yankee one). I bring to your attention the strange objects floating above the city walls and under Jesus’ hands…

And lately, there have been other sightings of jellyfish in the sky:

This ‘mysterious phenomenon’ was photographed recently by amateur photographer Per-Arne Milkalsen over Andenesm, Norway. After discounting that the object might be a ‘spot on the lens’ (and simultaneously dashing any credibility he might have as a photographer – even I can see that’s not the first conclusion you might draw) Mr Mikalsen goes on to further cast doubt on his credentials by saying ‘I have never seen an object like this before…’ Well, I have. It looks exactly like a lens flare. ((All the photos of this that have been circulating around the web are cropped like the one I’ve provided here. If you look at the full, uncropped shot which appears in the Mail Online article, though, you can plainly see that the image includes bright streetlights at the bottom of the picture – just where you’d expect there to be possible sources of… lens flare!))

David Icke, who we have featured previously on The Cow, has some theories about this, of course. Not a lizard, maybe, but close enough for jazz.

Truly, O Faithful Acowlytes, the End Times are nigh!

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Thanks for the photo, Flop!

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I… er… uh… eyes burning… so… many… things… wrong…

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Snapped in the window of a camping supplies shop just up the road.

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I… er… well… gosh… There’s just something unintentionally hilarious about watching a serious zombie woman in a pink cashmere sweater unflinchingly pour water up her nose.

I keep imagining her accidentally picking up a hot teapot by mistake.

Here’s another woman in a pink cashmere sweater doing it:

But even though the Himalayan Institute seems to prefer women in cashmere demonstrating their product, that doesn’t seem to be a prerequisite elsewhere – there’s a whole heap of these videos on YouTube. People from all walks seem to love showing the world how they pour water up their nose. Here’s a very unappealing guy selling something called ‘Sinus Genie’ which is the same thing, only with the addition of capsaicin. Yes, that’s right – capsaicin. The stuff they use in pepper spray to bring criminals to their knees. ((I gotta say – this is surely the equivalent of snorting ground-up chillis. Who, in their right mind…?))

Now just waiddaminute! Where have we seen that guy before? Aha! Isn’t he Mr Unappealing of Pocket Pain Doctor fame! You remember – the guy who wants to sell you expensive therapeutic colours for your iPhone. My, he’s really looking to get himself a woo-woo fuelled fortune, ain’t he? ((Note how he’s trading on the reputation of an established idea – the Neti pot – to sell a product that is nothing more than a plastic squeeze bottle. Checking the linked site sinusgenie.com takes you on a link-forwarding excursion to sinusbuster.com/genie which throws a 404 error. Flim-flam, anyone? Persevering we find that sinusbuster.com does exist, though and you can buy a small plastic bottle full of nose-irritants for a mere $17.99. I’m going to keep an eye out for this guy – stay tuned.))