Tetherd Cow Ahead

Unambiguous, I feel.

This snapped in Namibia by my friend Rebecca. Thanks Bec.

OK, now the last time I had a cat was about twenty years ago, I admit. And I want the best for my new little guy. But people, I’m telling you, somewhere during the last twenty years the pet world HAS GONE INSANE.

I’m giving Glitch a nice mix of all the catty foods – he gets raw kangaroo meat*, chicken wings, tinned fish and Science Diet for kittens. He likes all these things. And because I aim to be a good cat father, I also scan the supermarket shelves for other possibilities to keep his diet varied.

Today I found ‘Fancy Feast® Royale‘ Natural Whitemeat Seafood in Tuna Jus. This is what it says on the back:

A delicious delicacy for fish connoisseurs: we start by hand selecting the ocean’s finest filets of Tuna, then we mix the filets with Seabream and Whitebait and baste in a Tuna Jus.

Solely in the interests of blogging, I had to buy a packet so I could show you all. (He is seriously not getting this stuff in the normal course of events). Hand selected filets? Basted in a Tuna Jus? I haven’t opened the little foil sachet yet, but I’m betting that when I do, what I’m actually going to be squeezing out is a big blob of fish mush.

And if mealtime goes anything like last night, it will be a case of him gobbling it all down as fast as he can, licking his bum and then snacking on a nice crunchy black cockroach for dessert.

My cat is is pure class.

*People from other countries please don’t freak out; kangaroos are culled here for a number of reasons and the meat is not wasted. There are a lot of kangaroos. The meat is good lean meat, and sensible people will eat it. It tastes good. However, because the meat eaters of the world (including Australians) for some reason are obsessed with beef, instead of most kangaroo meat being used on the barbecue, it ends up as pet food. This is insane because one of the very worst agricultural things that ever happened to this country was the introduction of beef cattle.

UPDATE:Well, I have to confess that when I opened the sachet of Fancy Feast Royale, it didn’t look nearly as puke-making as I expected. There were obvious chunks of different kinds of fish, and even whitebait. The tuna ‘jus’ looked suspiciously like… aspic. In fact, wait a minute, the whole thing looked just like the tinned fish I’ve been feeding him anyway…

And I’m sure you are all dying with anticipation… yes, he did like it. A lot. He ate it all up. And then licked his bum and tried to eat a piece of uncooked spaghetti that I dropped on the kitchen floor.

My friend Rebecca snapped this in the desert in Namibia. I am very partial to an understatement rendered in relative permanency. Note the exclamation mark, and ponder for a moment, if you will, on what could possibly be intended by such a thing.

† Hey RaJ – is that an even worse pun than the last one?

Well, its getting on toward’s that time of year again. Yes, thats right: snow, and mistletoe and present’s neath the tree.

Hands up those who by this point have started trembling and foaming at the mouth and have mentally reached for the red correction marker. Good. You may now relax in the knowledge that I’m just messin’ with ya.

Yes the true scariness of the season is upon us – the willy-nilly proliferation of dire punctuation, in particular the crucifixition of the poor old apostrophe. It’s bad enough at anytime, but for some reason Christmas just seems to encourage people to go wild with the little guy.

For those of you with strong stomachs, a visit to The Apostrophe Protection Society* will get your toes a-curlin’ at the wonderful and inventive ways in which folks have decided the apostrophe should be employed.

And if your out and about over the Festive Season with you’re camera’s, and happen to see any sign’s or notice’s that you think might amuse us here at The Cow, be sure to send em on in…

A big pre-Yuletide kiss to weirdpixie for understanding just how much the APS would appeal to my highly developed sense of pedantry.

*See also: Apostrophe Abuse (Thanks Anne)

“They shewed his signs among them, and wonders in the land of Ham” Ëœ Psalms 105:27

I’m pretty sure that’s a misprint and should read ‘land of Beef’, otherwise it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

You can make your own signs for distribution throughout the land of Ham, Beef or other meat products at Church Sign Generator

Thanks (yeah, really, I needed to spend half an hour playing with this) to Nurse Myra for distracting me from my writing homework with this link.

This just in from my friend Bronni.* The following email conversation then ensued:

On 26/10/2005, at 1:52 PM, Bronwyn wrote:

It’s pretty damn weird if you ask me….even if it isn’t made out of Linda McCartney, why anyone would buy health food recommended by a dead person is beyond me. Call me old fashioned.

On 26/10/05 1:56 PM, Peter wrote:

Colonel Sanders and Linda McCartney should get together and form a chain called ‘It Tastes Like Chicken’

On 26/10/2005, at 2:03 PM, Bronwyn wrote:

Or a band, “It Sounds Like Chicken” or a double act “It Sounds Like Chicken” with WINGS.

On 26/10/05 2:06 PM, Peter wrote:

Or just ‘Chicken Wings’ maybe.

It would certainly give new meaning to ‘Finger Lickin’ Good!’

*Who also gets credit for the headline. See, I just steal all my wit from other people who don’t have blogs.