Whimsy


The idea for this series of posts came to me in a dream last night. Well, in the dream I had already posted about them, so I have to speculate that the idea actually came from somewhere else entirely.

Hmm. That’s a bit disturbing. Anyways, because I have a history of letting my dreams dictate the course of my artistic explorations, I present for you:

7 Famous Mirrors

•1: The Evil Queen’s Magic Mirror from the Grimm Fairytale Snow White.

Betty Boop Snow White

Everyone knows the schtick – the queen enquires of her mirror every morning “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all”. The mirror obligingly tells the queen that it is she, until, one day (obviously tiring of her appalling poetry) it decides to point the finger* at Snow White, thus propelling the poor young girl into a terrifying future filled with dwarfs, coffins and tainted fruit.

In the Grimm telling of the story, the queen finally gets her come-uppance by being forced to don a pair of iron shoes that have been heated in a furnace. She is then compelled to dance in them until she dies. Modern screenwriters please take note – this is what is called an original idea.

•2: Archimedes’ Focussed Ship-Burning Mirrors.

Archimedes' Fresco

The story goes that around 200 BC during the Second Punic War, the accomplished Greek physicist and engineer Archimedes used mirrors, possibly polished bronze shields, to focus sunlight onto advancing Roman ships causing them to burst into flames. It seems this is probably a tale that grew in stature with the telling. Over the years there has been a lot of speculation about this claim, and while it is possible under exceptional conditions to focus very fine mirrors on a distant wooden object and ignite it, it is unlikely that even a huge number of highly polished bronze shields on a very sunny day could have done much more than just scorch moving, waterlogged wooden ships. The Discovery Channel’s Mythbusters effectively scuttled the story in their Archimedes Death Ray episode, in which they spent quite some time getting a stationary ship to even smoke. Their conclusion was that a catapult filled with flaming pitch would have been far more effective, and a lot easier to implement.

___________________________________________________________________________

*Figuratively speaking of course, since it has no fingers. But since mirrors don’t talk either I think the metaphor holds up.

___________________________________________________________________________

Title Card

The Deadwood Drinking Game

•Every time you see a horse, have a shot of whisky.

•Every time someone double crosses someone else, have a shot of whisky.

•Every time someone says ‘fuck’ or ‘cocksucker’, have a shot of whisky.

•Every time someone mentions gold, have a shot of whisky.

•Every time Bullock walks into or out of a place scowling, have a shot of whisky.

•Every time EB does something obnoxious, have a shot of whisky.

•Every time Trixie throws a hissy fit, have a shot of whisky.

•Every time Swearengen uses a word with more than two syllables, have a shot of whisky.

•Every time someone has a shot of whisky, have a shot of whisky.

Object of the game: to stay upright longer than any Deadwood character of your choice (except Jane).

A Koala

Last week, on a jaunt to Victoria’s famous Hanging Rock , I snapped this shot, which must surely be the most iconically “Australian” photo I’ve ever taken.

(For appropriate atmospheric effect, feel free to play the following mp3 as you contemplate this post):

___________________________________________________________________________

*Obscure? Moi? (A Cow medallion to anyone who can make sense of it…)

___________________________________________________________________________

Miss Havisham's Cake

This is a picture of the cake I had for my 21st birthday. No, I didn’t keep it all these years, it looked like that at the time. Everything except the candles are edible – the spiderwebs are spun sugar and the ‘mold’ is apricot jam and green food colouring.[tippy title=”¹”]And here you were all thinking that me being unhinged was a recent aberration…[/tippy] It was really quite delicious.

This year I turn 50. Sigh. Yes, it’s true. So I’m taking suggestions for a cake theme.

___________________________________________________________________________

¹And here you were all thinking that me being unhinged was a recent aberration…

___________________________________________________________________________

Cows Might Fly

So anyway, I’m at Sydney Airport at Gate 32 when the following is heard across the PA system:

This is a final boarding call for passengers Arthur Gibson, Muriel Campanella, Ron Silvers and Bruce Majollica* on flight number D567 to Melbourne. This flight has boarded and is waiting on you in order to depart. Passengers Arthur Gibson, Muriel Campanella, Ron Silvers and Bruce Majollica, please make your way to Gate 34, your aircraft is ready to depart.

This announcement is made at least a half dozen times over the course of twenty minutes or so, with the staff becoming more and more agitated, but still maintaining the proper good-mannered airport aplomb. There are, in fact, four ‘Final’ boarding calls.

“You know what?” I say to Violet Towne. “If this was Cow Air, by now I’d be broadcasting it like this”:

Passengers Arthur Gibson, Muriel Campanella, Ron Silvers and Bruce Majollica, will you please get your slack asses out of the bar and over to Gate 34 quick smart. There’s a plane full of really pissed-off people here who want to know why you’re making the hour-long flight to Melbourne take twice as long. You’d better have good excuses.

Other innovations I would introduce on Cow Air:

•Disposal of useless safety demonstration on plane, replacing it with one word: PANIC! Because I know that’s what everyone would do if the plane started crashing. Why not make it easy for passengers to comply with instructions?

•Compulsory confinement to seats, upon landing of the aircraft, until after the exit doors have actually been opened. Can someone explain to me why as soon as the seatbelt sign is switched off everyone seems to feel the need to leap from their seat, desperately hoik their luggage out of the overhead compartment and then queue sardine-like in the plane aisle for ten minutes? Listen up people – the doors ain’t opening any faster just because you’re on your feet. The airline wants you off the plane just as much as you want to be off. Everybody is working for the same result here. You may as well enjoy the wait sitting down.†

•Free alcohol. No-one should have to endure Economy Class air travel sober.

•Summary execution for seat-kickers. Especially children.

•Coffee that tastes like coffee instead of watery aviation fuel.

•Cowhide covered seats. Wouldn’t that look cool!?

•Flame-grilled ribs. C’mon – even you vegetarians have gotta admit that the smell of fine BBQ wafting down the aisle at meal times would be w-a-a-a-y better than the sick-making odour of re-heated fish in foil.‡

___________________________________________________________________________

*Not their real names.

†I dunno – maybe it’s so they can get off the plane a few seconds earlier and relish the extra time at the baggage carousel?

‡Yes, alright, I can hear the more astute among you protesting that you’d never be able to eat ribs with plastic knives and forks. On Cow Air we don’t hold with such namby-pamby business as kiddy cutlery. Not only would passengers be allowed nail scissors and hacksaw blades, each would be issued with a steak knife. We believe that the real reason behind terrorism is bad airline food.

___________________________________________________________________________

The Sky Orchestra

This morning at dawn in the city of Sydney, before the espresso machines of Leichhardt had sputtered into life, Violet Towne, HeWhoHears, Kezza and The Reverend headed off towards the Western Suburbs to witness the launch of the 2007 Festival of Sydney with a performance of Luke Jerram‘s beautiful Sky Orchestra.

Yes, we really did get up at 5am.

Words simply don’t meet the task of describing the wonder of seeing and hearing these seven hot-air balloons rise into the light of the rising sun, and drift off across suburbia singing their haunting songs.

Sky Orchestra over Suburbia

All I can say is that if you ever get a chance to see this inspiring work, make every effort to do so. You won’t be disappointed. Luke Jerram is a genius. I’ve said as much before, and I see no reason to change my opinion.

« Previous PageNext Page »