An ineluctable ritual of the ticking over of the new year is the scramble by ‘psychics’ to predict a bunch of things that are going to happen in the year ahead. You may have seen Sylvia Browne throwing her hat in the ring recently with a whole bunch of waffly crap like ‘There are going to be some tornadoes somewhere’ and ‘Jennifer Lopez might be pregnant’. Here at The Cow, we believe that if you’re going to do some predictin’ then you ought to stand on your principles for God’s sake, and be specific.

So, seeing as Sister Veronica has been indisputably accurate with her horoscoping talents in this respect, I thought she might like to give the ol’ clairvoyance a shot. OK babe, take it away! Give us five predictions for 2007!

Sister Veronica Predicts


OK Revrend! OMG my psychik PoWeRs r totally vibed 2day!!!!!! i feel like i can see the future klearer than a plazma tv!! LOL!!! k. Lets Go-o-o-o-o-o-o!

1. Those clever d00ds at Apple are going 2 start selling a fone! ANd not just any old fone – it will be SO COOL that evryone will want 1!!!! I want 1 and it hasnt even been releasd yet!!!!!

2. At the OSCARS the BEST PICTURE this year will b THE DEPARTED. It is crap but it will still win… LOL!!!

3. Holy Cow!!!!!! Stay AWAY from Peru! The earth is going 2 move for them in August and kill 512 people! Thos poor things….

4. U no I am into ASTROLOGY and so I will tell U that: On April 24 – a planet like oo- Earth!!! will b discovered in the constellation Libra (the scales). It will be called Gliese 581 c (which is NOT v. catchy IMO). But it will.

5. In Japan some archeoligists will find a 2,100 year-old melon. I dont think it will taste 2 good :-b

PS – If u think 2007 is random wait for 2008! OMG!!! The U$ of A is going 2 get a BLACK PRESIDENT!!!! I no!! Sounds impossbile but my krystal b@ll DOES NOT LIE!! Also, hang on 2 yr money$$$ – there iz going 2 B a BIG BANK CRA$H in October!!! Disaster!!! :-(



There we have it peeps. Sister Veronica has predicted. We’ll check in a years time to see how she did. I’m feeling pretty confident…