Thu 14 Jan 2010

Roxxxanne… Put on the Red LED…

Posted by anaglyph under DIY, Gadgets, Robots, Scary, Sex
[11] Comments

Ew


A life-size robotic girlfriend complete with artificial intelligence and flesh-like synthetic skin was introduced to adoring fans at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas on Saturday. Roxxxy the sex robot had a coming-out party in Sin City at the weekend.

And doesn’t she look like the kind of gal you’d be proud to take home to mum? I have this horrific feeling she speaks with the insipid sing-song voice of the Telstra robot:

In just a few words, tell me what it is that you would like to do. Was that ‘clean the wainscoting? I’m sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you. Would you like to speak to a customer service representative?’

Roxxxy’s creator, Douglas Hines, of the company TrueCompanion, pictured above in what must be one of the creepiest images ever to grace The Melbourne Age, says of the “anatomically correct robot” ((Why do they always emphasise that these monstrosities are ‘anatomically correct’ when what they mean is that it has tits and orifices? As far as I can tell by the picture above, it’s anatomically a mutant – look at the hands! Look at the weird mouth! Anatomically correct? Sure if your template is the Bride of Wildenstein)):

“She can’t vacuum, she can’t cook, but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean ((Is anyone else getting a sort of porno Monty Python vibe here?)).”

Yes, I think we do know what you mean, Doug. You mean that of the three priorities one must have in a female friend – cooking, cleaning and screwing – she is good for one of them. If only you can perfect the other two, you’ll be raking in money faster than Roxxxy can gyrate her servo-mechanisms.

”She knows exactly what you like,” says Hines. ”If you like Porsches, she likes Porsches. If you like soccer, she likes soccer.” Roxxxy can chat with her flesh-and-blood mate, and touching her elicits a variety of comments.

I so want to be there to watch the reaction when the first customer takes one of these out of the box on Christmas morning.

 

Mon 11 Jan 2010

The Adventures of Pocket Jesus

Posted by anaglyph under Pocket Jesus, Religion
[24] Comments

Episode 2: The Valley of the Shadow of Death.

*Father, why has thou forsaken me?

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The font used in The Adventures of Pocket Jesus (aram44.ttf) features genuine Aramaic characters and is used with permission of Mr. G. S. Dykes

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Sat 9 Jan 2010

Smoke ’em If You Got ’em…

Posted by anaglyph under WooWoo
[13] Comments

Smoke 'em If You Got 'em


Vultures in South Africa are under threat of extinction because gamblers are willing to pay a premium to smoke their dried brains. According to The Guardian, the practice is believed to bestow good luck on the smoker.

What a stupid, superstitious, unscientific idea, eh? It’s like they’ve never even heard of homeopathy, or chiropractic, or harmonic acupuncture! How primitive!

Vulture Brains Filter, anyone?

 

Wed 6 Jan 2010

Neti Potty

Posted by anaglyph under Bizarre, Gadgets, Insane People, WooWoo
[19] Comments



I… er… well… gosh… There’s just something unintentionally hilarious about watching a serious zombie woman in a pink cashmere sweater unflinchingly pour water up her nose.

I keep imagining her accidentally picking up a hot teapot by mistake.

Here’s another woman in a pink cashmere sweater doing it:



But even though the Himalayan Institute seems to prefer women in cashmere demonstrating their product, that doesn’t seem to be a prerequisite elsewhere – there’s a whole heap of these videos on YouTube. People from all walks seem to love showing the world how they pour water up their nose. Here’s a very unappealing guy selling something called ‘Sinus Genie’ which is the same thing, only with the addition of capsaicin. Yes, that’s right – capsaicin. The stuff they use in pepper spray to bring criminals to their knees. ((I gotta say – this is surely the equivalent of snorting ground-up chillis. Who, in their right mind…?))



Now just waiddaminute! Where have we seen that guy before? Aha! Isn’t he Mr Unappealing of Pocket Pain Doctor fame! You remember – the guy who wants to sell you expensive therapeutic colours for your iPhone. My, he’s really looking to get himself a woo-woo fuelled fortune, ain’t he? ((Note how he’s trading on the reputation of an established idea – the Neti pot – to sell a product that is nothing more than a plastic squeeze bottle. Checking the linked site sinusgenie.com takes you on a link-forwarding excursion to sinusbuster.com/genie which throws a 404 error. Flim-flam, anyone? Persevering we find that sinusbuster.com does exist, though and you can buy a small plastic bottle full of nose-irritants for a mere $17.99. I’m going to keep an eye out for this guy – stay tuned.))

 

Tue 5 Jan 2010

The Adventures of Pocket Jesus

Posted by anaglyph under Pocket Jesus, Religion
[7] Comments

Episode 1: I Have Set My Rainbow in the Clouds.

*Awesome! I am truly cooler than a rainbow.

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The font used in The Adventures of Pocket Jesus (aram44.ttf) features genuine Aramaic characters and is used with permission of Mr. G. S. Dykes

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Mon 4 Jan 2010

More Magical Water

Posted by anaglyph under Daft Advertising, Hokum, Skeptical Thinking, Stupidity, WooWoo
[8] Comments

Excellent! A new magical potion has appeared on the supermarket shelves. Harry Potter eat yer heart out! This particular version is called ‘Nutrient Water’ and their marketing department has been pulling out all the stops with this one. Here’s what you get if you choose the ‘D-Stress’ flavour:

Remember what it was like to be a kid? One hour for finger painting, two hours for hide-n-seek, naps in the morning, naps in the afternoon, naps in general. Life as a grown up of course is a little more complex. Play-time is now work time, home-time is over-time and free-time is pushed-for-time. That’s why we’ve packed D-Stress with Vitmain D and L-Tyrosine to help bring you back, get a grip and put it all in perspective. Think of it as a step back in time. Just without the hand-me-downs and times tables.

What kind of whacked, off-his/her-face imbecile wrote that heap of crap? So you drink this stuff and it will help you get a grip and put everything into perspective? Then I don’t think the copywriter even opened the bottle. He needs about another fifty gallons by my reckoning. But as laughable as all that is, you have to go for the ingredient list for the full guffaw:

Ingredients (nature approved) – deionised water, crystalline fructose, food acid, natural blackberry goji flavour, etc etc

That little snippet has got to be the biggest gob of codswallop that I’ve heard in years. Nature approved? What the fuck? How did ‘nature’ approve it? Just by it existing? My brain is making pinging noises. And then we have ‘deionised’ water. Let me ask you, dear Cowpokes: do you have any reason at all to suppose water is any better without ions? (What they mean is simply that the water has been filtered, but oh no, they can’t just call it ‘filtered water’ – who’d buy something like that?). And of course ‘crystalline fructose’ is just a form of corn syrup. They could have said ‘ultra sweet sugar’ but that sounds a little too much like a step back in time… And I really don’t even want to go into the whole stupid goji thing. ((Goji berries are the new wheatgrass. They’re supposed to cure everything from depression to cancer. A clinical study done in May 2008 and published by the peer-reviewed Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine indicated that parametric data, including body weight, did not show significant differences between subjects receiving Lycium barbarum berry (goji) juice and subjects receiving the placebo; the study concluded that ‘subjective (my italics) measures of health were improved’ and suggested further research in humans was necessary. That was all I could find of any value. That’s the BEST they’ve got. Paraphrasing – if you imagine hard enough, maybe you’ll feel better.))

I was interested in why they might stick L-tyrosine in this product though, so I did a little bit of research. ((This is so easy to do now, that my mind just explodes with frustration – why don’t people check this stuff out?)) L-tyrosine is an amino acid, and one of the building blocks of neurotransmitters. Most people get all they need from their diet, and you have to be pretty unhealthy to have a deficit of the stuff. ((It’s in so many foods that it would be hard to avoid, in fact. You can even get it from an average McDonald’s meal.)) Not only that, you shouldn’t have too much of it, and several websites about nutritional supplements that I found have this kind of thing to say:

If you do not have any need to, you should not take L-tyrosine as supplements without consulting your doctor.

I figure that if they printed something like that on the label it would cause you to get a much better grip than all that other crud.

Still, at least this water has some active ingredients, even if they do have the potential to screw up your brain chemistry. Unlike some other waters we have visited.

 

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