Tue 18 Sep 2007

Hoist th’ Colours!!

Posted by anaglyph under Pirate
[18] Comments

Another Pyrate Grrl

Shiver me timbers lads! International Talk Like a Pirate Day has already drawn up against our gunwhales and fired across our bow!

For yer piratical pleasure, me mateys, I’ve spent a doubloon or two over at Rent-A-Wench to secure the services of this year’s Play First Mate – Misty Cannonbait. Arrrr! Isn’t she a piece o’ crumpet?!

(Arrrrr… an’ no, ladies there’s no piratical beefcake – ye have yer Cap’n Jack Depp so quit yer whinin’)

So, avast and belay, ye barnacle infested bilge rats! Get yer landlocked booty out there and let me see some pillagin’!

Ye may find these some useful additions to yer plunderin’ expeditions:

Pirate gadget-du-jour #1.
Pirate gadget-du-jour #2.

Arrrrrrr!!!

 

Mon 17 Sep 2007

Never Scan Anything Bigger Than Your Head

Posted by anaglyph under Geek, Hmmm..., Scary
[9] Comments

Portrait

Portrait of the Artist as a Casualty of a Quantum Anomaly.

 

Thu 13 Sep 2007

Cowfucious Say:

Posted by anaglyph under Cow Matters, Silly, Words
[46] Comments

Many years ago, my good friend Bronni & I used to amuse ourselves by taking well known proverbs with animals in them and substituting a cow for said animal.

This was a source of constant mirth. So for today’s diversion, I give you:

•Like a cow up a drainpipe.

•Flat out like a cow drinking.*

•That’s put a bit of a cow in the ointment!†

•Wow, she really has a cow in her bonnet!

•That’s put the cow among the pigeons!

•More tricky than herding cows.

•Better a cow in the hand than two in the bush!

•He’s a real cow in the grass.

•As cunning as a cow.

•The early bird catches the cow.

•Like a cow on a hot tin roof.

•I’d like to be a cow on the wall for that conversation…

OK Acowlytes – over to you. The one that makes me laugh most gets a Cow Medallion!

UPDATE: It occurs to me that some of you may have missed the point of this particular activity. It’s all about the image that you form in your head when you do the transposition of animals. For instance: ‘a cow on a hot tin roof’ conjures an amusing vision of a cow clattering along on your corrugated iron verandah awning… Get it?

So:

‘Cow in a gilded cage’ = Funny
‘Let sleeping cows lie’ = Not Funny

See – it’s not just as easy as chucking the word ‘cow’ in any old proverb.

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*Hmm. Some of these might be a little obscure to non-Australians…

†Isn’t ‘ointment’ a great word? Why don’t we have ointments any more?

Thanks to Radioactive Jam for sparking old memories.

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Thu 13 Sep 2007

Home On The Range

Posted by anaglyph under Cow Matters, Simple Graphics Man
[8] Comments

SGM rides a cow...

The Continuing Misfortunes Adventures of Simple Graphics Man ~

#24: Home On The Range.

It was inevitable. When I wasn’t looking, SGM snuck in and untied The Cow. My intuition (and familiarity with SGM’s previous capers) tells me that this is likely to turn out badly.

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Thanks jedimacfan for pointing me to the great font from which this image comes – Interstate Pi Four

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Tue 11 Sep 2007

In Your Dreams

Posted by anaglyph under Insane People, Peter Popoff, Skeptical Thinking
[13] Comments

An Eagle with Money

I suppose that you’ve all been on the edge of your seats waiting to find out if Prophet Peter Popoff would manage to find time in his busy schedule to reply to my reply to his missives to me. Well Cow fans, fret not! Last week I had a personal reply from Prophet Pete acknowledging my correspondence!

Well, in a manner of speaking.

Popoff Letter Reply 1

Prophet Pete professes to be pleased to hear from me and yet his verbose (now that’s a surprise) response neglects to address any of the topics I raised when I wrote to him. Golly gosh, it’s almost like he didn’t even read my letter!

Prophet Popoff seems to believe that he and I have now developed some kind of special spiritual bonding (even though he doesn’t have a lot of interest in anything I say) and spares no effort to give me the benefit of his irksome and clichéd ‘wisdom’. Somewhere ’round about paragraph 4, though, the tone of his writing changes and he begins to get disturbingly familiar:

In this personal letter I must share certain things with you The Holy Spirit has “revealed” to me.

Uh oh.

This morning, during my prayer time (5.30 am) a powerful anointing came over me as I called your name. As I prayed, God showed me something unusual 3 different times… I FELT A POWERFUL ANOINTING “RELEASED” AND FLOWING BETWEEN US. I don’t have the interpretation yet, but I will.

Well I have an interpretation, but I’m really not going to elaborate because, well, it makes me feel kind of queasy. If it’s all the same to you Prophet Pete, I’d just as soon you didn’t call out my name at 5.30 am in the middle of a powerful flowing, or at the very least, just keep that information to yourself.

Prophet P goes on to tell me of the three visions he’s had for me – three things that God has revealed to him. #1 involves the packing of boxes…

Are you planning some kind of move?

… he asks. My God! The man is psychic! How could he possibly know? Now I’m really paying attention for Vision #2 but it’s just plain boring (and completely wrong). Let’s skip to Vision #3 where we hit paydirt:

EagleText

Have you been praying for a certain amount of money for something special? Yes ___ No ___ How much? ___

Yes! I have been praying for some money Prophet Pete! How much? Three BILLION DOLLARS! I know, I know, that sounds a little bit greedy, but heck, this is praying, right – may as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb! Even more spooky though, I’ve been praying for a pet eagle!

The letter rambles on in the manner I’ve come to expect (excluding, strangely, the underlinings and coloured annotations of previous letters), and after asking for some money Prophet Pete signs off with the usual guff and urges me to write down any unusual dreams. Since he has comprehensively failed to acknowledge my request for details on any dreams he may have had involving a ‘tetherd cow’, I am forced to conclude that he has no real interest at all in my own visions and therefore worth no further attention.

So adios Prophet Peter Popoff. If you want to get any further coverage on Tetherd Cow Ahead you’re going to have to do significant work on your schtick. Of course, if my pet eagle arrives tomorrow with a cheque for, oh, say, a cool billion, I’ll be quite prepared to eat crow.

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*We spell it cheque. You’d best be checking your spelling when in our country, n00b.

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Fri 7 Sep 2007

International Talk Like a POTUS Day

Posted by anaglyph under Idiots, Pirate, Politics, Words
[11] Comments

This last week has been an extremely aggravating exciting time here in Sydney, with the city being comprehensively ground to a standstill by the carnival of clowns that is APEC (aka ACROCK). Today we have George Bush, Hu Jintao and Vladimir Putin slowing down the traffic and stealing the media attention away from more important issues like footballers getting busted for doing drugs.

As APEC has progressed, we’ve been treated to some terrific banter between these great minds of our age (the Leaders, that is, not the footballers. Although, really, there’s not much in it). The press was all over this exchange between George W and John Howard at a barbecue lunch:

George (loads plate up with steak and sausage): I’m a meat man.

John: I think we know that.

Onlookers: Hahahahahaha!

Honestly, I didn’t stop laughing for a full attosecond. And to think they hold Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw up as the finest examples of English language wordsmiths.

Mr Bush said in a speech this morning how much he loved Sydney and that he was hoping to be invited to the ‘OPEC’ summit next year (now was that ever a Freudian slip). It would seem that he thinks APEC is held in Sydney every year. This man is the Leader of the Free World. SpaghettiMonster help us all.

Some of the other fine word manglings I’ve heard this week include annualized, disendorsed and our own Beloved Leader’s stadia (which he evidently thinks is the plural of stadium but it isn’t. It’s a made-up modern word that someone thinks follows the rules of Latin. It doesn’t. A more correct and wholly less pretentious thing to say would be stadiums)

Meanwhile, since International Talk Like a Pirate Day is imminent, and you all know how much I like to get into the swing of things here on The Cow, I propose we start celebrating a little earlier this year and keelhaul the lot of ’em.

 

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