Tue 1 Jan 2008
Happy New Year!
Posted by anaglyph under Rasputin, True Fiction
[113] Comments
I hereby declare the Annual TCA Rasputin Poetry Competition open!
(Really, why fight it?)
My dear Acowlytes! Let me offer you all the best wishes for a happy, healthy and jape-filled 2008. Let the jousting commence!
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If you haven’t got the faintest idea what all this is about, maybe you’d like to click here!
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Mon 24 Dec 2007
Meanwhile, Somewhere in a Lowly Cattle Shed…
Posted by anaglyph under Cats, Competition!, Cow Matters, Religion, Scary
[13] Comments
Well, Faithful Acowlytes, the season is upon us, and as the Herald Angels sing and the chestnuts smoulder away on open fires from here* to Chocowinity, it behooves† me to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, a Cool Yule and the finest things for the season. I’d like to thank you all for your companionship, zest and humour over the last year, and I look forward to you joining me in continued moosings in 2008.
But enough of that! I know why you’re really hanging around, so on to the winner of the Christmas Competition!
I have to say at the outset that it wasn’t as well contested as I’d hoped, especially when I promised a very special prize… But having said that, the four contenders who did participate didn’t hold back, and all showed the kind of plucky spirit that makes the Cow Comments the kind of feisty tête-à -tête that we all know and love. I am certain that RadioShack will be plagiarizing us for ideas next year. Maybe they’ll even pay us to come smarten up their dumb asses.‡
All the entries showed verve and flair, and disconcertingly high levels of technical competence. Casey’s Destruct-O-Matic Shock Tank was so terrifying that I think it might be better served up at Halloween, and Jedimacfan’s Virtual Sled is a promise to fat kids everywhere that their position in front of the XBox is eternally safe & warm. The Colonel’s aerial Christmas lights were an inspiration to Book Elves of all nations (perhaps to the detriment of some) and hewhohears‘ Aussie Snow Shredder was as fine an example of innovative uselessness as I’ve ever encountered. A generous piece of Christmas Cake for you all!
But after all was said and done, I kept coming back to Casey’s first offering – The Reindeer-Spooking Whirlygig Death Contraption. Casey promises that after the implementation of this device, you need never need worry again about clattering hooves and messy reindeer droppings all over your roof on Christmas Eve. Casey, the Very Special Christmas Prize is yours! Mail me at [reverend-at-tetherdcow.com] with a postal address and I’ll set Santa on a special delivery mission for the New Year.
Anyways, there’s tinsel to be hung and stockings to be filled so glad tidings of comfort and joy to one and all! Don’t eat too much holly, and remember that reindeer poop and raisins look fairly similar.
The Reverend
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*Seriously – I was in Melbourne CBD yesterday and there were guys roasting chestnuts. Thankfully the weather has been a mite cooler these last few days than the 35° (95°F) of last week, but even so, that’s just plain weird.
†Cow Joke…
‡Speaking in a Christmas manner, of course.
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Fri 14 Dec 2007
A Christmas Parable
Posted by anaglyph under Hmmm..., Philosophy
[14] Comments
Violet Towne and I were in inner city Melbourne this week when we were accosted by person who might be these days termed ‘height-challenged’ but in the time of my less politically correct childhood would gave been called a dwarf.
Personally, I can’t see much of a problem with the term ‘dwarf’. Before Lord of the Rings the logical cultural link anyone was likely to make with that term was with the happy chaps that whistled while they worked, made squillions from their diamond mine and were shacked up with a spunky chick. When I was a teenager hanging out in the theatre, we had a chap who fit that image perfectly. Well, if you included a fondness for sherry and imagined the local newspaper packing room was a diamond mine. In any event, he certainly hit it off well with the young ladies…
But I digress.
The short fellow who confronted us in town seemed a little agitated and with little preamble reeled off a story about his wallet having been stolen and how he was going to have to make phone calls to cancel all his credit cards and how he needed some money to get a train to his home in the Dandenong Ranges (an area just on the outskirts of Melbourne).
Now, as cynical as you all know me to be, I am still inclined at first flush to cut people the benefit of the doubt. I gave the guy a bill. Not enough for his train fare all the way, but I thought it would help him out. It has to be said: he snaffled the cash without so much as a backward glance and was on his way.
Violet Towne, who is possibly a little more street savvy than I am, wasn’t about to part with any of her hard-earned change for someone she pegged pretty quickly as a pan-handler (I noticed that she kept a tight grip on her purse as the exchange took place). Reflecting on it as the little man zipped off into the crowd, I couldn’t help but agree with her; it did seem fairly likely that Shorty had peddled that particular story more than once.
“Oh well,” I said, “I guess if he feels compelled to ask people for a handout he’s somewhat worse off than we are.”
The following morning this text conversation takes place between me & VT:
VT (on her way to work on the train): Hey! The dwarf just got on the train! He’s dressed in a suit!
Reverend: See! I was right!
VT: But he got on at Heatherdale. That’s a long way from Dandenongs.
Reverend: Whaddya expect? You were too mean to give him the extra he needed to get home.
The jury will probably remain forever out on the truth of the matter, but I figure that this is a Christmas Parable that can be read in whichever way you are inclined to view the Season.
Thu 13 Dec 2007
Tautology?
Posted by anaglyph under Religion, Signs, Words
[6] Comments
Where they keep the Good Books.
(Spotted by jmf in his local book store.)
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Hey CowPokes!! Don’t Forget: the Christmas Competition is still running! Be sure to get yer entry in!
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Tue 11 Dec 2007
On the Prowl
Posted by anaglyph under Art, Spooky
[15] Comments
Longtime readers will remember the story of The Prowler and how illustrator Kevin Cornell realised him in frightening watercolour on his great site over at Bearskin Rug (go there now and be amused).
Kevin was kind enough to send me an artist’s proof of his Prowler watercolour which I recently had framed in an appropriate manner. I am now awaiting the refurbishment of the crypt so that I may hang this wonderful rendering on the wall, flanked, of course, by two sputtering candles.
This is how the finished piece came out!
