Copperfield Walks on Water

The Battle of the Magic Waters

SCENE 1: Int. fancy modern office. Day.

DAVID COPPERFIELD, famed stage magician, is talking to his agent on the phone.

DAVID (angry):

Whaddya mean Madonna’s got magic water? She’s a pop star for crying out loud! What does she know about magic?

(Offscreen sound of agent through phone filter)

DAVID (steam coming out ears):

Oh yeah, is that so? Well I’ll show her!

SCENE 2: Ext. The Copperfield helipad, Bahamas. Day.

DAVID climbs from his chopper and strides purposefully to his waiting limo.

DAVID (under his breath):

Does she have any idea who she’s dealing with?

SCENE 3: Copperfield Private Island in the Exuma Chain. Day.

DAVID is dropping DEAD LEAVES into a fountain. His beautiful assistant LOURDES sits nearby.


Do you see that? Do you see? The dead leaves are ALIVE again! ALIVE, do you hear me! The water from the fountain is RESTORING THEM TO LIFE. I have discovered THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH here on this private island that I bought for $50 million dollars. What an astounding coincidence that I, DAVID COPPERFIELD, World Famous Illusionist, should be the one to find the SECRET OF ETERNAL LIFE! It’s truly amazing that no peasant farmer has stumbled across this MIRACULOUS FOUNTAIN!

LOURDES (smiling adoringly at DAVID):

David, do that thing with the handkerchiefs again. I love it when you do that.


Sigh. Yes it’s true. David Copperfield thinks he’s discovered the Fountain of Youth on his private Island in the Bahamas. I swear, I could sit here for a week and never come up with stuff as bizarre as this. What happens with these people? They make untold wealth and then their brains just fall out? Or maybe I’m being generous in attributing brains to them in the first place.

My thanks to Fighting For Science where I discovered this new worrying example of a world gone mad. Go visit them and tell them The Cow sent you.