A Mantle?

In his longest correspondence to date, Prophet Peter Popoff is now offering to up the ante on his promises to bring me untold wealth. He’s evidently gotten the concept that I’m less than enthusiastic about his schemes so far, and figures he must be underselling himself. Which is well nigh impossible with Prophet Pete – he’s not too shy of blowing his own trumpet as you all well know.

So, what does he do to entice me when he feels he’s not being generous enough with the Lord’s Bounty? Why he DOUBLES his offer, of course!* In this latest epistle, he sends me ‘The Mantle of Elisha’ (which looks more like an over-sized napkin from some cheap fast food joint than something Elisha might wear in public) and no less than thirty repetitions of a pledge to pass on to me a DOUBLE PORTION of the munificent bounty which is rightfully mine. And all he asks in return is that I send him $42.00! Bargain!

Double Portion!

Disturbingly, however, he quickly sets in once again with the pervy requests:


Yes, you read correctly faithful Acowlytes. I’m supposed to rub the Mantle of Elisha all over my body, and then put it in my bible and sleep on it. It would seem that Peter Popoff seems completely fixated on these bizarre and unsavoury nocturnal practices as at other times (I think we can feel free to hypothesize that maybe Prophet Pete has been hanging around altogether too much with his pal David).

Touch Me

After I’ve done that, Prophet Pete exhorts me to touch the mantle with my hand (who knows why he needs to single out my hand, since I’ve already been rubbing it over everything else) and send it back to him. Now I have an image in my brain of Prophet Pete’s closet filled with Mantles of Elisha that have been rubbed over various and sundry bodies.

Wait a sec… sorry… OK, I think the nausea has passed…

Along with all the garbage in this particular letter I found A Special Australian Update in which I learn that Prophet Pete is currently ‘re-organizing’ his television ministry in Australia. Well, if it’s organized like his letters, that’s not hard to fathom (and anyway, I didn’t know he even had a television ministry in Australia). He goes on to say:

As part of this re-organization we have also changed our mailing address. You will notice a new mailing address on the enclosed return envelope.

Well, I actually hadn’t, but it comes as no real surprise. That sort of thing happens when you get busted for junkmail spam. The tragedy of it is that the 14 reply-paid envelopes I have been saving are no longer viable. Damn. And just when I’d hit on a plan for them – I was going to send him, one by one, the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle of a portrait of James Randi. I thought Prophet Pete might be chuffed to see an old friend appear before his eyes!


*It’s not like it’s going to cost him anything. He could triple it or quadruple it for all it matters. There’s some well understood maths in play here: A x 0 = 0 (where A is any monetary figure you care to nominate)