Whimsy


You may have heard of the unusual psychological disorder Jerusalem Syndrome, in which visitors to the Holy City somehow get swallowed up by the delusion that they are Jesus Christ, and dress and behave like him.

The untimely death of Steve Irwin* this week prompted me to wonder if there might be other kinds of syndromes attached to appropriate locations. Let’s start with:

Brisbane Syndrome. Sufferer dresses in khaki shirt and skimpy shorts, attempts to climb into estuaries and wrestle crocodiles, and says “Crikey!” a lot.

Chicago Syndrome. Sufferer dresses in double-breasted suit and fedora, eats spaghetti at most meals, threatens people with a machine gun and cheats on taxes a lot.

Stockholm Syndrome. Oh wait, there’s already one of those.

Wellington Syndrome. Sufferer dresses in loose floppy clothes, grows a bushy beard and is overweight and unkempt. Carries around a viewfinder and mutters phrases such as “More orcs!” and “Come to me, my precious”. Can often be found in cinemas.

Deadwood Syndrome. Sufferer dresses in shabby Wild West attire and/or stained and unwashed long-johns, drinks copious quantities of rye whisky, and liberally peppers conversations with words such as “fuck”, “cocksucker” and “pussy”.

Nottingham Syndrome. Sufferer dresses in Lincoln green, wears a cocky hat with a feather, mugs tourists but gives the money to buskers and attempts to inveigle passers-by to “Joine my Merrye Bande”.

Westminster Syndrome. Sufferer dresses in twinset and pearls, casts eyes downward under a floppy fringe and protests often “I am not bulimic”. Is very thin.

I’m sure there are many more. Over to you.
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*As tragic as this was, at least the guy got to die quickly and doing something he loved. Oh that any of us should be so lucky. I feel I am obliged to point out that he was dealing with dangerous animals and so he must always have been aware of the risk. He who lives by the swordfish… (yeah, yeah, I know it was a stingray, but I could wait forever for someone to be killed by a swordfish).

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Most people I know agree that there is a big difference between the taste of free-range chicken and battery chicken. And those that are in the know say that human flesh tastes like chicken. Aha! But which kind of chicken is that?

I’m not tucking in until I know for sure.

A Famous Signature

Yesterday, whilst trawling the WWW as I my wont, I came across an image file of a document with the Dalai Lama’s signature at the bottom.

k3w1! Being a krafty h4xOr maybe I could steal the Dalai Lama’s identity!

I wonder if that would aid or impede my progress toward Enlightenment?

Black...

OK. I’m working (for free) on a small but very tasteful commercial for a major world charity. The sound is subtle but significant. At the very end of the ad, the pictures fade to black, and a simple piece of explanatory text appears.

This morning I’m playing what I’ve done to the director, an awfully nice but very intense chap.

“So, what do you think for the end when we fade out, then?” he asks.

“Oh, I dunno. Silence I guess. I thought that worked pretty well. Unless you want some other kind of thing there…”

He looks deeply thoughtful, and runs his hands through his hair.

“I was thinking, rather than silence, maybe we could just have, you know, the sound of nothing.”

“Uh-huh,” says I. “And that would be different to silence in exactly what way?”

Spam Plant

Alex Dragulescu, a clever man if ever I saw one, has performed a near-miracle. He has taken the torrent of unadulterated swill generated by spammers and turned it into something beautiful.

Go and visit his gallery of Spam Plants to see what I mean, and make sure you take a look at some of his other inspiring work too.

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Thanks jedimacfan for pointing me to Alex’s site!

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