Spam Observations #48

Acowlytes! I think you can understand the great honour I felt this morning when I received a personal correspondence from Kofi Anan at the United Nations:

Subject: Good News
Date: 12 June 2008 8:04:09 AM

Well, sure, not the Kofi Annan, who spells his surname with an additional ‘n’, but a Kofi from the United Nations nevertheless:

Send a copy of your response to official

OK, OK, so that’s Kofi Anan from the United Nations Compensation Unit, as opposed to Kofi Annan ex Secretary-General of the United Nations…

ATTN: Sir/Madam,
How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family?,You may not understand
why this mail came to you.

Kofi, you know what? I think that I probably have a pretty fair idea why someone from Nigeria pretending to be Kofi Annan of the United Nations is writing to me…

This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the
world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$

OK, so to clarify, the UNITED NATIONS is offering to compensate ‘all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world’ to the tune of $150,000 each? Even without doing much research I think that’s gonna be a pretty hefty figure. Quite honestly, Kofi old mate, I would have thought that the United Nations had much more important things than that on which to spend its money.

Or maybe what you mean is that the $150k has to get divided among everyone. In which case, I don’t think it’s going to stretch much beyond buying them each a Tic Tac. If that.

(Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars)

Whoa there boy. It’s suddenly $500,000.00 in the space of a line break? That’s better, sure, but I still think you’re underestimating your commitment.

This includes every foriegn contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc.

Yeah. ‘All the people that have been scammed in any part of the world’ pretty much covers the bases. Prolly didn’t need to single anything out in particular.

We found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you, this have
been agreed upon and have been signed.

Hang on there sport. What’s been agreed upon and signed? with whom? What list? A hit list? Honestly, it’s all just been in good fun here on The Cow! Isn’t that right Cowpokes? (Everybody nod!)

You are advised to contact Mr. Jim Ovia of ZENITH BANK NIGERIA PLC, as he is
our representative in Nigeria, contact him immediately for your Cheque/
International Bank Draft of USD$ 150,000.00

Dang. Back down to $150k again.

(One Hundred fivty Thousand United States Dollars)

Yep. Definitely 150 now.

This funds are in a Bank Draft for security purpose ok? so he will send it to you and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. (Oh it’s all so dreary after attempt number two million..)

Why do these people persist? How can it be that there is anyone left on the planet that still falls for these things? Now, in what must be surely a parody of the new trend in Hollywood to make remakes of remakes*, we’re getting scams about scams!

Seriously, think about it: just saying you bought one of these Nigerian scams in the first place, and lost all your money, how STUPID would you need to be to fall for THIS ONE? Kofi Anan must have set his sights on the most moronic of the dimwitted. Surely he’s narrowed his potential victim base beyond all reasonable hope of success. Are there actually people in the world with control of any proper money who are that cretinous? Really? Name one!‡ Oh. Right.

Making the world a better place
Mr. Kofi Anan

Kofi, I sincerely doubt that.


*What is with that? Re-remakes of Batman? Re-remakes of The Incredible Hulk? You know, someday someone’s going to re-remake Flash Gordon and ruin it! (That’s a joke of a form that maybe only Cissy Strutt will understand)

‡I read somewhere the other day, that for the amount of money that George Bush has cost the USA with the invasion of The Iraq, a 500 person colony could have been established on Mars.