This morning I received the following missive from the rather ditzy-sounding Yanka Yany Yana:

Hi! My name is Yana, friends and relatives call me Yany.

I am a sociable and cheerful girl and it would be interesting to me to get acquainted with you. I am single and this is why I have decided to write to you. It is spring now and I like this time of year very much, I think it is a great time for acquaintance. If you are interested in getting to know each other then I will be glad to see your letter and picture!

I wish you a good day!I will wait for your email,


Along with which, a selfy snapped with her Nikon:

Yana, with shitty photographic skills like those, you will be waiting for a long time for anyone’s email. If you’re going to take snaps of yourself in the mirror, may I suggest using a phone camera like everybody else in the world does? There are at least two advantages to this:

1. You’d get a shot of yourself in focus, rather than an ad for Nikon.

2. The camera wouldn’t take up more of the picture than your face.

Also, you might want to clean the mirror so that it doesn’t look like you’ve got a big booger on your nose. Oh, and picking up the crap in the background wouldn’t hurt either.