A Cross to Bear

Atlas Cerise draws my attention to the release of the Teo MP-301, an mp3 player in the shape of a crucifix. Unlike the iBelieve (which was really just an alternate lanyard for an iPod Shuffle), this is a fully featured mp3 player, with voice recording and FM radio functions. And in the shape of a cross! Take that Steve Jobs. And you thought you were God!

Now I dunno about you, but I have an overwhelming desire to own one of these so I can fill it up with all my old Black Sabbath CDs and Aleister Crowley spoken-word recordings. Then I’d wear it upside-down.

According to iceTech, who make the Teo:

… it comes with the conversion software that would allow you to transfer music of various formats from your CDs and files to this device.

Notice the sneaky ‘would’ in there. Not ‘will’, but ‘would’. As in: The software on the Teo ‘would’ allow you to transfer music from your CDs if that was, like, actually legal in the country you lived in. Like it isn’t in, oh, er Australia, for instance.

Which raises an interesting question: If you commit a sin, and you don’t actually know it’s a sin, will God really strike you off the register? I can only imagine the disbelief on the faces in the queue at the Pearly Gates when people realize they turned down all that sex only to be sent Hellward by a few meagre Britney Spears music-pirating offenses.

But fear not, favoured Acowlytes! If this is the kind of tricksy dilemma you find yourself contemplating, TCA Laboratories in association with PWB are proud to bring you an astounding alternative to the Teo.

Announcing: The Tetherd Cow Ahead MooO™!

A New mp3 Concept

Yes my friends, the MooO offers everything the Teo boasts but with the added advantage of the revolutionary new Tetherd Cow Ahead Absolution Engine™! Here at TCA Laboratories, we’ve developed technology that actually allows you to pilfer your music from anywhere you like and digitally cleanse it of any sin! 100% Money Back Guaranteed*

The new CowSound-enabled MooO! Holy Cow that Sounds Good™!


*We’re talking exclusively metaphysics here. TCA Industries guarantees that the Absolution Engine removes sinfulness, but legal obligations under the law of your country are your own affair…