Sun 8 Apr 2012
Print Out
Posted by anaglyph under DIY, Robots, Technology
[12] Comments
The BBC reports this week that soon we won’t need to build robots any longer. Instead we can simply print them. Researchers at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania have attracted a 10 million dollar grant from the National Science Foundation to help them realise a printable robot, a concept which would mean robots could be beamed directly into your home via the internet and assembled in your lounge room.
Well, we all know how that’s likely to turn out, right?
Of course, it’s not something that’s likely to happen overnight – unless you have the resources of the Tetherd Cow Ahead Laboratories behind you. When I ran the idea past the boffins downstairs they were of the considered opinion that achieving a printable robot would be a doddle, and true to their word, this morning they had one all ready to go. And let me tell you, there was no $10 million dollar grant involved.
It is therefore, my dear Acowlytes, my pleasure to present for your technological delectation, the Tetherd Cow Ahead Printable Robot:
Just click on the pic above and a printer friendly pdf will appear. Print it on a piece of card, cut it out, and you’re well ahead of those lamers from MIT and Harvard. All that remains is for you to find some useful jobs for your robot to undertake. I have provided a few suggestions to set you on your way to the new Printable Robot Future!
The possibilities are literally infinite! (BTW – anyone from MIT or one of those other thinktanks reading: we are prepared to make our technology available at a suitable price. Don’t feel embarrassed that we beat you to the draw – we have some pretty sophisticated tech at work down here.)
I’m sorry to say that I am a bit suspicious.
The PDF for public use is on a white background, but the TCA working prototype is on a buff cream background.
Can I be sure that my version on the white background will be as effective as the one on a buff background?
Also, can you guarantee that my printable robot will not be gay.
Well, here’s the brilliant thing about the TCA Printable Robot: you can print it on ANY colour you like! Take that MIT! You may find that some colours suit some tasks better than others – printing your robot on a leafy green, for example, will facilitate eco tasks such as Forest Management. A mottled green would be perfect for military applications.
On the topic of gayness, well, that would be a function of user programming.
Also, I notice that your version only has settings 2 and 3. What if I need setting 1?
I think setting #1 is the sleep mode. I don’t want this thing sleeping, I want it working constantly. Setting #2 is likely for the lighter household chores such as washing dishes, vacuuming and the floors. Turn it up to setting #3 and it should be outside doing things like washing the car and mowing the expansive lawn of the Battman estate. Does this thing come with any sort of warranty that covers manufacturing defects? Not that I would expect defects from the Tetherd Cow Labs, but you never know what your going to get if you have to rely on any 3rd party suppliers.
Once again, the robustness of the robot is entirely reliant on user input. You’ll get out of it what you put into it. Garbage in/Garbage out as the old adage goes. Which reminds me, it’s also useful for maintenance tasks.
TCA Labs guarantees that the Printable Robot will function in whatever capacity it is employed. The efficacy of that functioning is the responsibility of the user (if you want to use it for undersea exploration, for instance, well, you’d be an idiot to print it on cardboard, right?)
Is this an actual warranty that I’m reading here? Because if thing doesn’t work, you’ll be hearing about it from my legal team.
Our Printable Robot legal team says the warranty is completely 100% reliable.
You’re reading it wrong, Queen Willy. There are actually 23 settings! I hear the MIT one only has 6.
Ummm…. that young lady being pleasured by your robot. Is she lying in a baby’s bassinet?
Well, she could be I guess, but I figure it’s some kind of cane couch kinda thing.
However, that’s a good reminder that the TCA Printable Robot is also suitable for child-minding.
He will wash his hands between pleasuring and child minding won’t he?
He actually has robo-manipulators that self-sterilize. Sexy, eh?