My New Pink Button ™ is a temporary dye to restore the youthful pink color back to your labia. There is no other product like it. ((I was surprised to find there was ANY product like it.)) This patent pending ((Now there’s a patent I want to see…)) formula was designed by a female certified Paramedical Esthetician ((Yes, apparently there really IS such a thing.)) after she discovered her own genital color loss. ((How does one just ‘discover’ that kind of thing, I ask myself?))

You know, sometimes people think of such totally bizarre shit that I swear I couldn’t have concocted something like it if you’d given me an open brief and told me to totally weird out as many people as possible. I mean, tell me ladies, is this a thing? Do you ever lie awake at night worrying that your bits might not be the ‘right’ colour? Evidently Paramedical Esthetician and genital colorant innovator Karan Mari did. Either that or she had a particularly oafish and tactless boyfriend. ((“Honey, you know what? You just don’t look enough like a porn star. Isn’t there something you can do about that?”))

Anyways, if you’re in the market to polish up yer pink, you can hop right along to Amazon and put your $29.95 on the table. It looks like the Bettie and the Marilyn are selling fast, but there seem to be plenty of jars of the Audrey and the Ginger left.

Read the reviews while you’re there. They’re the best thing about the product, and very funny. Also very educational – I learned a new word.

Squack. (It has nothing to do with ducks).

Let the poetry commence.


Via Regretsy (Where DIY Meets WTF?).