Nurse Myra and I were having a discussion recently about the words that are used to denote an unfixed but still quantative indication of the numbers of certain things where you don’t wish (or are unable) to be too specific. Those are words like a few, several, some, a variety of etc. I don’t know whether there is an actual word for these kinds of pliable quantities, but there really should be. I’m calling them ‘Diffuse Quantity Descriptors’ until someone sets me straight.

Let me elaborate: we agreed that a few choices on the menu is more than two and possibly less than five. Several choices would be more than a few but possibly not as many as six or seven. A variety of choices might be as many as several, but possibly a a few more.

Curiously, when talking about time, these quantaties seem to shrink or expand according to actual purpose. “I’ll be gone for a few minutes” would possibly be five or six, or maybe even ten minutes whilst “I’ll be gone for a few hours” seems like it might reasonably encompass three or four hours. Several hours seems rather longer, but several minutes could be just a few.

I might ruminate on this for a few days, and you can be sure there will be several other posts on a variety of similar anomalies.

Spam Observations #3

A heartfelt plea I received from Kelsey:

I don’t usually do this but, how would you like to keep me some company? My lame Husband works night shifts, which makes me very lonely at night.

Personally, I feel sorry for her husband. He’s working nights, is disabled and has a wife who’s cheating on him. I can’t see a happy ending here.

I’m inclined to refrain from comment, but just to reassure all you penguin lovers out there, there is no penguin slaughter involved.

Snapped in the seaside town of Penguin, Tasmania, where all penguin-o-philes should probably go, if only to marvel at the 12 foot ferro-concrete penguin that graces the town park.

Category:

My Botanica series of digitally created images will be showing as actual real prints in luscious colour at blank_space Gallery in Surry Hills, Sydney, in July this year. More as it comes to hand…

See the complete Botanica series here

Spam Observations #2

This missive from Raymundo:

Hello,
This is just a folllllow-up to the eeemail we sent you a couple weeeeks ago, because you now quualiiify for a new mooort gaaaage.

You could get $394,000 for as littttle as $607 a moooonth! Baaad creediiit is no problem, you can pulllll ca$h out or reee f iinance.

Pleeease cliiick on this liiiink for freee cooosultation by a moooortgggage brooookeer:
Pleeaaase

Talk to you soon,
Raymundo Marshall

Raymundo manages to sound illiterate, idiotic and desperate simultaneously. It’s kind of like a typographical stutter. Especially the way it clears up as soon as he says his name.

I’m totally perplexed by these kinds of emails. I mean, who in possession of any amount of brain would respond to this? How does that mental process go?:

“Wow, that Raymundo is a smart dude! He figured out that by putting more vowels in mooooortgaaage he’d get round my spam filter. I’d best be sending off my ca$h to him quick smart!”

or maybe…

“Gollllly. Raymundo haaas the same proooobleeem wiiiith a brokkkken keeeeeeeybord that I haaaave. Heee surely neeedes my moneeeey!”

or perhaps…

“Shit. I’m so up to my neck in debt due to my complete incompetence with money that I’ll try and get into even more trouble by investing with some shonky internet shark with the confidence-inspiring name of Raymundo. He might even have some fake Rolexes or property in the Costa Rica he could sell me cheap…”

In Pete World, Raymundo would be forced to walk up and down Pitt St wearing a sandwich board that said “I am a useless piece of human trash. Please throw excrement at me”.

Spam Observations #1

Lately (possibly because I’m going insane), I’ve taken to scanning some of the copious offerings of spam that flow through my mailbox every day. I’ve discovered that not only is spam much more interesting than it used to be, but sometimes it is educational as well. Take this snippet forwarded to me from Nurse Myra:

“…that produced other miracle pharmaceuticals, has now maid a revolutionary herbal pill that can gain your penis volume by 3″ to 4″ in verily a couple of shortish hebdomads!”

Not strong on the spelling, true, but dig that Shakespearian riffing!

I had to look it up:

Hebdomad: A period of seven days; a week.

Verily.

(Thank you Dictionary.com)

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