A Beautiful Thing

Don’t you remember that snowy December when we went to see “Singing in the Rain”? I shouldn’t have smuggled in that bottle of gin because after the film, I could barely walk. But, darling don’t you know it’s only human to want to kill a beautiful thing. When I was seven summer lasted forever. I used to chase fire flies through the woods. Tiny green lights circling warm August nights. I’d catch them inside a washed-out old jar. I dreamed of the stars with the jar by my bed, but each morning my pretty bugs were dead. We should have been dancing like lovers in a movie, but I fell and cut my head in the snow. I wanted to tell you all the ways that I loved you but, instead I got sick on the train ~ Rennie Sparks, The Handsome Family.

The Cow Instructs: Go to the Handsome Family’s site and buy their music. [Link]

Bartolomeo Mecánico has taken the trouble to make an archive of road signs that compare interpretations of Men At Work, Children Crossing and Falling Rocks throughout the world. [Link]

Be sure to visit the Boulder Count page which shows a statistical distribution of the numbers of boulders that appear on Falling Rocks signs in different countries.

Bartolomeo, you are hereby inducted into the Tetherd Cow Ahead Society of Treasured Humans as the inaugural member.

Three cheers for Bartolomeo!

I just visited the blog of rock singer and Renaissance Man Mr David Byrne (because I think he is an interesting person, and has insightful opinions) and had a bit of a revelation. Mr Byrne has a blog, is an interesting person and has insightful opinions, but he just doesn’t get the concept of blogging. Oh, I know, the headline says “Don’t Call It a Blog” but I’m sorry Mr Byrne, calling it a ‘Journal’ is just attempting to weasel out of being lumped in with the hoi polloi – it’s a blog by any other name.

Except for one significant difference. At first glance it looks like pretty much any other blog you might stumble across in your explorations of the blogosphere. But hey, what’s this? He doesn’t allow readers to comment on his posts!

Let’s think about that for a moment. The nature of a blog is at least slightly interactive. You post a thought, people read it, and if they feel like it, they leave a pearl of wisdom or a few pellets of scat. They leave their alias, which is a link that can be followed back to their own blog so that you, in turn, can read and comment upon their pontifications. They mark their territory in the blogosphere. These are the basic rules that any blogger knows. Disallowing any comment on your pronouncements is the blogging equivalent of hanging out a sign that says “No Riff Raff”.

I was reading down Mr Byrne’s latest post when I noticed the absence of a Comments field and I had the eerie and almost corporeal feeling of a door being slammed in my face. I had to stop and think about why I felt so put out. I didn’t even intend to post a comment.

What I believe has happened is that Mr Byrne has failed to understand the concept of community that blogging, by tacit agreement, encompasses. There’re no rules, of course, you can do anything you want on the net, but there are understandings in the cyberworld, just as in RL you understand that it’s bad manners to fart in an elevator or park in the disabled bay at the supermarket.

When I realised that Mr Byrne did not care about my, or any other reader’s, opinion, I completely lost interest in what he had to say. If I want that kind of experience, I have many books to choose from.

By contrast, Mr David Brin, a person who is at least as erudite and well known as Mr Byrne, has a blog where he makes commentary on all manner of worthy subjects, and cultivates a thriving culture of opinion, humour and insight. Mr Brin also participates in the comments from time to time, making his blog not only entertaining and informative, but a kind of living dialogue. I believe that this is what blogging is about.

Mr Byrne may indeed have many profound and wonderful things to say, but in my opinion he suffers from an excess of hubris. We are no longer living in the world where a Creative Person speaks, and the Great Unwashed throw flowers in obeisence. A Lofty ‘Journal’ he may have, but he lives in poverty without a blog.

UPDATE: Neil Gaiman’s doing it too. C’mon chaps, you look like pretentious prats. Tsk.



This flyer from my letterbox today.

Oh dear. Where does one start? The Ye Olde English font? (Oh, you know, it’s way back whenever, when writing was, like, all flowery an’ that…) The most unappealing image of a pizza you could possibly make (the onion still looks raw for crying out loud)? The fact that one of the most moving images in the history of human creation, the act of God and Adam poised reaching out to one another but not ever touching, is being used to sell pizza? (Maybe the idea is that God and Adam have just freshly tossed the salami and onions from on high?)

Or should we focus upon that little phrase, squeezed in almost as an afterthought: the taste of art?

Could it be that we are meant to infer that Michelangelo’s Café will create for you the Sistine Chapel Ceiling of pizzas? God help us all.

Perhaps I’m being unfair? Righty-ho, I will rise to the challenge and take it upon myself to personally assess the alleged magnificence of Michelangelo’s pizzas, with a dutiful and comprehensive report back here on The Cow in due course. That should keep everyone glued to my blog for a few days.

In the meantime, let us ponder the taste of art. I’m offering these suggestions for business opportunities for aspiring restaurateurs-cum-artists, along with tips for promotional material:

★Picasso’s (Tapas – flyer features ‘Guernica’ and a dish of paella)
★Pollock’s (Diner – flyer with ‘Blue Poles’ & plate of scrambled eggs)
★Degas’ (Creperie – flyer: ballet dancers & Crepes Suzette)
★Duchamp’s (Noodles – flyer: pic of a urinal & plate of sardines)
★Mondrian’s (Waffle House. No brainer…)
★Hirst’s (Steakhouse – cowhide flyer w. pic of jar of formaldehyde)
★Monet’s (Bagels – ‘Poppies’ + poppyseed bagel)
★Calder’s (Mobile Meal Delivery Service)
★Warhol’s Soup Kitchen…

Oh I tire. Over to you, dear readers…

It all started when I went to make a snappy reply to a text that a friend sent me. I meant to tap in ‘Damn slippy!’ but the predictive texting on my Sony Ericsson didn’t want to know about the word ‘damn’. It offered me:

Hmm. The dictionary is highly patchy but ‘damn’ seems like it should be covered. So obviously the word ‘bugger’ wouldn’t make it…. but what’s this?

‘Bugger’ is OK but ‘damn’ is not. Interesting. Well this of course prompted me to launch exploratory mission of finding out what my phone would and would not accept as proper. All the really rude words don’t appear, but the most perplexing thing I discovered is that the word ‘vagina’ is acceptable:

… but that ‘penis’ is not:

I wonder if I could get big money from Sony Ericsson for sexual discrimination?

I leave you with this thought: a person made the decision about what kinds of words the phone’s inbuilt dictionary would include…

Spam Observations #10

Today, my Newest Best Friend, Tanya, wrote with her surprising news: “My penis is always hard and is able to move without interruption!” That’s a little personal for a first email, but hey, yay for you Tanya! I also find the interruption of penis movement off-putting, though I can’t really imagine how strange it must be for you in your particular circumstance.

Tanya went on to boast of “Rock hard manhood, multiple explosions and several times more semen volume!” and then exclaimed that she could get me “… a several month supply of everything you need – in seconds!”

I am somewhat skeptical that I could obtain anything from the web “in seconds” even taking into account the Modern Miracle That Is Digital Cash. The temptation, however, to get a several month supply of everything I need is hard to resist (notwithstanding my concern that achieving “multiple explosions” sounds a little too much like a bowel malfunction for my taste).

This constant gender bending amongst spammers is making me dizzy. Glen or Glenda? Just bring me the Glenmorangie.

For more evidence of Spammer Identity Confusion (SIC) see:

Modern Love: Spam Observations #9
Holy!!!!: Spam Observations #7
Do Our Bums Look Big In This?: Spam Observations #6

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