Today, a rather sad coda to the story of feuding bikers Rodney ‘Hooks’ Monks and Russell Merrick Oldham.

As you will recall, Oldham, a man with ‘a passion for astronomy and a history of violence’ shot Monks dead in a dispute involving a romantic liaison between Monks and his parole officer. Oldham, packing heat in his handbag*, fired three shots at Monks at close range, and escaped in a taxi (I’m not making any of this up).

Oldham has been at large ever since, until last night where he waded into the ocean and, in keeping with his history of violence, shot himself. I like to speculate that he was looking at the stars.

Even this last recounting of the story has elements of the bizarre. Witnesses to the incident record that they heard two shots, before they discovered the lifeless body of Oldham. This either means Oldham was a really lousy shot, or that he was one mean and determined bastard.

RIP Russell. I hope you and Hooks make it up in the Big Club in the Sky. Or in the Other Place.

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*It was in the news report. Handbag. Read it for yourself.

OK, so Nurse Myra and I are walking along a back street near the hospital and we go past a window that looks in on shelves and shelves stacked haphazardly with hundreds of manila folders full of papers.

“I wish I could get my hands on those!” says Nurse Myra.

“Why?” I ask, wondering what evil plan she is concocting now.

“So I can tidy them up, of course”.

“Of course” I say.

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*For ‘Obvious’

God Creates Spammers

Just thinking about it, perfume is the only pleasure you can have in which overindulgence has no consequence.

No hangover.

No extra pounds.

No awkward morning-after.

No habit.

No lung cancer.

Today I noticed: burning leaves, salty marine dryness from the ocean, toast, vetiver incense, wet pine chips, bacon, burnt rubber and green apples.

Holy Water

Satan’s Cologne too rich for your blood? Well here at The Cow we are pleased to be able to point you to a real world alternative. Yes shoppers, at the Demeter Fragrance Library you can purchase the fragrance of Holy Water in your choice of Cologne, Calming Spray or Bath & Shower Gel.

Fight vampires and smell nice too!

UPDATE: I just noticed that ‘Funeral Home’, one of the fragrances in the Library, was designed by Christopher Brosius from ‘I Hate Perfume’, who has been mentioned in despatches previously.
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While you’re there, be sure to spray on a little Laundromat, or Riding Crop. Or maybe Funeral Home is more your thing.

You can bet that I’ve put a dozen of these gems on order!

Toasted Sandwich Fairy

Though not as well-known as The Tooth Fairy, for some, her visit was very highly anticipated…

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