Spam Observations #39

My newest pal, Roberto Schwartz, wrote to me today with this question:

Does Size Matter?

Which is evidently rhetorical, because he answers it immediately:

60% of WOMEN said thay were UNHAPPY with their lover”s P* size!

I’m assuming, from context and plenty of familiarity with these kinds of emails, that when Roberto coquettishly says P* Size he means Penis Size as opposed to, oh, Pupil Size or Pelvis Size.

Rather unsurprisingly, he offers a remedy for one afflicted with such an awful handicap:

Introducing the Newest, Safest. and Most Advanced
Solution in Pnis En1argment. Anywhere!

… and some hyperbole as well:

Millions of men are already applying male enhan(ement pat(hes daily and watching their size and drive go through the roof!

Through the roof! Oh my! It has to be acknowledged: that’s quite an impressive result. Uncomfortable, probably, and possibly quite embarrassing and offputting at lunch in the cafeteria, but yes, pretty impressive in a Hollywood CGI Monster kind of way.

Further to this, Roberto adds:

P.atches deliver the product into your system in a quicker
and more efficient manner than a pi11 ever could. They are also safer and more discrete!

Discrete? Well, I guess the patches themselves might be, but let’s face it, with millions of surging tumescent members destroying skylights across the country it’s hardly going to be much of a secret is it?