When I was a kid I really wanted to be a Secret Agent.1 Like, really, really. So much so, that when we had a career counselor come visit us in 5th class, I summoned up my best James Bond suave and went for broke and told her so.

“That’s nice dear,” she said, removing my hand from her knee. “Now, let’s have a look at these pictures of people stapling bank invoices together.”

She was probably right, I guess. In those days a career as a Secret Agent meant a lot of training and hard work (like being a composer or a filmmaker, say), but back then we didn’t have the INTERNET. Now, thanks to the wonders of technology, if one has a computer it is easy to become an instant artistic genius.

OR… a spy!

Yes dear friends, prepare to have all your Secret Agent fantasies fulfilled as I point you to the wonderful treasure trove that is to be found at China Grabber.com. China Grabber is one of those ghastly third-world internet shops intent on offloading all manner of cheap electronic junk on the world in order to quickly deplete the planet of as many resources as possible. It has cell phones and USB sticks and mp3 players and, well, anything and everything that aspires to eventually end up as vast mountains of toxic landfill.

But it also has spy gadgets. Lots and lots and lots of spy gadgets. Oh, I’m not talking about your standard run-of-the-mill pen cameras and wristwatch cameras and cigarette packet cameras – the stock-in-trade of your generic 20thC spook. They do have those, of course. But for those of us on the cutting edge of 21st Century Spydom they have awesome things like…

Tie Cam! ‘The World’s Smallest Wireless Color Pinhole Camera built-in this nice-looking Necktie.’ Yes, you too can record video everywhere you go whilst looking entirely inconspicuous like this young chap (for best incognito results the Super Amusive glasses are de rigueur).

If, like me, you thought that the tie was not so much ‘nice-looking’ as ‘Hi I’m a voyeur!’2 then you might like to consider the less-affected Button Cam.

Dress it up, dress it down, Button Cam goes with any outfit! I would suggest avoiding the lycra, though.

If infiltrating nuclear facilities or other high-risk security zones is more your game, then this is the gadget for you:

Posing as an innocuous identity card, this little beauty will give you a whopping 4 gigabytes of video and audio recording. Now you can post up on YouTube the embarrassing footage of yourself being frogmarched out of the Playboy mansion by Mr Hefner’s henchmen. Oh, teh lulz!

For those of you who are less mobile in your spying, why not try a little Coke & dagger subterfuge?

Pop this little sucker in the fridge and get the goods on your coworkers’ annoying habit of stealing your strawberry yoghurt! Aside from gathering evidence, you’ll find out what really happens to the light when you close the door (also comes in Coke Classic for the less calorie-conscious).

Not what you’re looking for? Something with a little less taste for monsieur? Well, you can go no further than the Tyre Clock Cam:

It’s a clock! It’s a tyre! AND it’s a spy camera! w00t! The best wish for my good friend!3 Absolutely guaranteed to become completely invisible in the workshop of your shady neighbourhood mechanic (comes with complimentary girlie pinups).

I’ve been saving the best till last of course. Being a Reverend & all, I like to keep tabs on my flock and what better way than the with the sophisticated Cross Cam?

The Spy DVR Camera Cross with necklace design digital video recorder is so convenient to wear and record. This cross spy camcorder looks really fashionable as it dangles from your neck… This discrete spy video camera system can be applied to almost any situation… You are ready to make high quality video files as well as a fashion cross necklace!

Convenient and fashionable! Sweet! I’m not sure about it being applicable to ‘almost any situation’ though – it might not be all that discrete in the local mosque. But hey, totally appropriate for lamington drives, in the ‘hood or at boy scout meetings!

Goodness gracious, Faithful Cowmrades! It looks like just about anything can be a spy camera! Lawks, why even that cup of coffee sitting on your desk… yes, that one to the right there… maybe that is a spy camera! With all these sneaky devices posing as innocent everyday items, how can you be sure that you’re not being spied upon right this very minute!!!((You are looking a little tired today, if I may say.))

Why, with this China Grabber Anti-Spy Cam/Anti-Surveillance Camera Detector, of course!

A highly effective, practical device to detect spies or sleazy co-workers. A simple yet incredibly effective device that might just save your bacon, get one today and eliminate the paranoia that comes from living in today’s constant surveillance society.

A constant surveillance society proudly enabled by China Grabber.


Thanks to Steve H for pointing me to the totally covet-worthy China Grabber, a place that surely has the dubious distinction of being the internet equivalent of the 2 Dollar Shop

  1. It was always spelled with capitals. []
  2. C’mon. Let’s not pretend that we don’t know what most people buying these things use them for… []
  3. You filthy rotten thieving bastard! []