Chicken Right/Wrong

I am totally indebted to TastesLikeChicken! for pointing out to me the wondrous inventions available at Global Trade Purveyor There can be no doubt at all that this is where Angelo does his shopping.

Of particular interest are:

The Flattener Chicken Machine:

“Our machine has the capability to crush 24 chicken breasts per minute, and with the thickness of a ham slice. With this you’ll have an extra-flat chicken breast. It is really a money machine!!!

Because, well, yeah, everyone knows that Flat Chicken Breasts = $$$$!!! And fast? Yessirree, this machine is a license to print chickens!!!

The Vegetarian Chicken Modeling Machine:

“Used to shape the soybean food production suck as vegerarian chicken. The vegetarian has long-tested and its performance enjoys very high reputation from our clients that this machine is easy to operate and run smoothly with low failure rate.”

First, take your Soybean Food Production Suck. Then shape a Vegerarian Chicken from it. Could anything be simpler? Or more gag-inducing?

The Vacuum Suck Machine:

“The vacuum soybean-suck system is composed of vacuum soybean-suck machine, vacuum barrel, storage barrel, bean-sucking tube and dia. 80 plastic tube 10m.”

Yep, nothing sucks like this machine. This is one mothersucking sucker. If you need your beans sucked, look no further!

Of course, the question still remains: why do people call me when the damn things break down?


Chicken image courtesy stock.xchng