Tetherd Cow Ahead

OK, so Nurse Myra and I are walking along a back street near the hospital and we go past a window that looks in on shelves and shelves stacked haphazardly with hundreds of manila folders full of papers.

“I wish I could get my hands on those!” says Nurse Myra.

“Why?” I ask, wondering what evil plan she is concocting now.

“So I can tidy them up, of course”.

“Of course” I say.

___________________________________________________________________________

*For ‘Obvious’

Though not as well-known as The Tooth Fairy, for some, her visit was very highly anticipated…

If, in your idle moments, you have the desire to just throw caution to the wind and experience the bizarreness of the web, there are lots of sites on the net like Uroulette that allow you to go tripping off to random destinations.

I just figured out something even better though. I call it the Birthday Image Search (BISâ„¢). Here’s how it works:

You go to Google Image search, and enter your birthdate as a string of numbers like this 110785… This will give you a whole host of result sites that are related only by this number string.

My #1 hit was this interesting montage of a Japanese woman casually, and one must presume titillatingly, exposing her underwear. Other featured sites for my birthday were:

★A site selling a sleeping bag with removable pillow

★A Santa Claus toys site

★A Newswire article about Shakira†

★A Japanese site with a picture of a very unhappy-looking Japanese man

★A Hello Kitty games site

★An online hardware shop page for a drill chuck-key

Anybody do any better?

†This is particularly intriguing because at the Apple iTunes Shop, people who bought my CD ‘Houdini’ also bought CDs by Shakira. Shakira has never been in my interest sphere until now, and from what I read about her music, it’s hard to make a link to my stuff. Is the universe telling me something?

More from my special mystery guest:

April 13, 2006,

No! I must not yield to frail human weakness lest I fail
To quell those demons that would fall on me with sharpened tooth and claw.
Though I surely might erase my pain in Bacchus’ sweet embrace
I must resist and turn my face again to matters evermore
Jejune, prosaic, tiresome and certain to ensure
The kind of gossip I deplore…

My neighbour in the garret has this week acquired a parrot
Or some other feathered creature – I am not entirely sure,
But its raucous Harpy shrieking, as he tries to get it speaking
Sets my shattered nerves to creaking, and it rubs my patience raw;
The screeching shrill viaticum that filters through the floor
Strangely sounds like ‘Nevermore’!

…to be continued

My guest blogger writes on:

April 12, 2006

Now the sombre shadows thicken and I feel my heartbeat quicken
At my melancholy musings on the one that I adore
Ah! My beautiful Victoria! Her name evokes euphoria!
Her love might lead a warrior to make a cause for war!
Surely Paris would shun Helen as a diamond with a flaw
If Victoria he saw…

Yet the very contemplation of my Angel brings deflation
Of my soul, and so my spirit is a boat without an oar
Should I look for Eldorado in my best Amontillado?
Or perhaps that false bravado the Green Faerie would assure,
Seeking silent sinking solace in the Dionysian maw
As I often have before…?

…to be continued

Over at Jill Writes I learnt about a grass roots promotion for a book called The Lost Blogs: From Jesus to Jim Morrison by blogger Paul Davidson.

Jill says:

The subtitle of the book pretty much sums it up: The Historically Inaccurate and Totally Fictitious Cyber Diaries of Everyone Worth Knowing. The premise is this: friendly bloggers give Paul a hand in promoting his book by spending the work week of April 10-14 blogging as historical figures (of their own choice, but that aren’t included in the book). Readers guess who they are.

Well, I’m a bit of an outsider on this, but I support anyone doing something clever, especially if there is a literary bent to the enterprise, and the idea caught my fancy so I’m participating in spirit if not in fact (and besides I missed the starting post).

Herewith my guest writer’s first entry. I don’t think it will be too hard to guess who it is, but it’s kinda not the point for me – I just like the idea.

Settle back, and light a solitary candle. Are you sitting comfortably…? OK, channelling:

April 11, 2006

Dear reader, once again have I retired to take up pen
(These days should I say keyboard? I can never be quite sure…)
And resume my nightly journal of philosophies nocturnal,
The ephemera infernal that my mind will not ignore;
Visions from the world of Charon that the righteous would abhor
Rendered tangible once more.

And I draw the heavy curtain, sure that she is dreaming, certain
That the night will bring her respite from the coughs that rack her core
This I hope, at least, for hoping is my only way of coping
Else I sit here merely moping, and the dread comes as before
Crushing, crashing waves of dread from some cold atramentous shore
Heaving heavy at my door…

…to be continued