Science


I really like codes and ciphers and hidden messages.

When I was a kid my friends and I would exchange sheets of blank white paper with secret messages laboriously written out in lemon juice, invisible to casual scrutiny until you held the note over a lit candle. The heat of the flame would coax the words to appear in a satisfyingly aged-looking sepia hue accompanied by the acrid acidic smell of scorched citrus. How clever we felt. No-one could know our secrets!

These days the art of codes and ciphers – “cryptography” as it is more seriously known – is more or less the domain of the very very smart, involving complex and sophisticated concepts and lots of computer power. I have trouble understanding how to even implement something like PGP, let alone having the vaguest clue how it works.

I really like a lot of things about the modern world. Unlike Dennis Wilson, I think I was made for these times. But sometimes I long for the days of simple cleverness where a cool idea could be executed with ingredients from the kitchen cupboard.

Spam Observations #11

Today Buddy Dillon emailed me with exciting information which I provide here in full:

Hi!

Totally New hot Alternative Dating Site!

Sick and tired of meeting boring people on generic dating sites?

We have the answer! It is not a sleezy sex site. It’s an open-mided, highly sexualized, dating site for lonely wives . See the difference!

Meet real sexy housewives in your area tonight!

Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Holy Cow! I couldn’t believe what I was reading! A dating site for lonely quantum physicist housewives! Man, I was so quick to hit the link that I’m sure I violated causality.

But dammit, the site seems to have vanished into a singularity, so I am only able to speculate on what might be on offer through such a service:

CARBON DATINGâ„¢
“Where folks through with fission come for some fusion”

Nickname: Strange Charm

Sex: Female

Body Type: Black

Smoking: You bet honey!

Drinking: Manhattans, Heavy water

Star Sign: J/PASP/106/646

Pets: I have a cat in a box. Not sure if it’s alive or dead

Religion: Pastafarian

Relationship Status: Some uncertainty

Hi fellas! I’m hot and available, looking for a guy for some serious entanglement and up for some fun with the Three Body Problem. Would like someone with no strings attached who is prepared to travel; not interested in action at a distance. I’m looking for a real man with a Large Hadron Collider and a brane for a good time – WIMPs need not apply. Don’t want anyone two-dimensional – minimum of five or six dimensions required. So if you feel like some strong interaction and exploring the Big Bang Theory or the Double Slit Experiment in my bubble chamber, drop me a line and maybe we can try a superposition or two.

Sigh. One can always dream.

This beautiful true-colour image of Saturn’s tiny moon Mimas was captured by NASA’s Cassini probe in orbit around the ringed planet. It is truly worth visiting the Cassini site to see this image and others like it in high resolution.

Link

I looked in the tin 1 minute before and 1 minute after, but there was no observable change in the curry. Since then, a mild aura of suspicion has intruded upon my reality, as I wonder exactly what it is that happened at 12:45 on that otherwise unremarkable day of April 23, 2003.

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