The US Military seems to have lost their new ultra hi-tech Falcon HTV-2 ‘hypersonic’ aircraft. The plane, which undoubtedly cost kazillions of dollars,1 was being tested over the Pacific yesterday when it suddenly (some2 might say ‘mysteriously’…) stopped communicating with the US Defence Advance Research Projects Agency engineers.

Now, now. I can hear you snickering there Acowlytes. A little more sympathy please. We all know how distressing it can be to lose something. Why, only last week I lost my reading glasses and it was causing me all end of grief. I remembered, however, advice my dear old Dad gave me when I found myself in such circumstances, and I herewith offer that advice up to DARPA.3

•Take a deep breath and don’t flip out. That doesn’t help.

•Ascertain that the item is actually missing, and that your Mum didn’t put it away in the cupboard.

•Check your pockets. The missing item turns up there 90% of the time.

•Don’t play the blame game. The odds are that you lost it through your own stupid actions (as much as I was predisposed to think that China stole my spectacles, it was more likely that I had misplaced them).

•Retrace your steps (you might be amazed how many stops you made between Vandenberg Air Force base and the troposphere).

•Search the obvious places twice. I mean – guys: The Pacific Ocean? Are you sure you checked everywhere?

•When all else fails, try putting up some posters around the neighbourhood. I’m totally sure that if North Korea found your plane they’d be happy to give it back, especially if you offered them a reward.

  1. Funny how the military never seems terribly impeded by financial market woes… []
  2. Oh yes, some are already saying it… []
  3. After all, we don’t want to be too hard on DARPA – they are the reason I’m able to be here chatting with you, Faithful Cowpokes! []