Jelly Diplomacy

One of the reasons that I know Nurse Myra likes to hang out with me is that she gets to hear me expound my revolutionary schemes for World Political Reform, particularly my vision for Pete Worldâ„¢.

So, we’re off on a jaunt to the seaside, and whilst speculating on the directions for the US in the upcoming election for a new POTUS* my laser-beam gaze turns upon the possible candidates and the way in which a change of regime might be called on to provide effective modern leadership.

We agree that the field is pretty weak.

“Condoleeza Rice?” she suggests.

“They’ll never go for it,” I say. “She’s black, and a woman. She’d always lose to a man. They wouldn’t take the risk unless she was up against another woman”.

“What about if it was a contest between her and Hilary Clinton?”

“I suppose,” I say. “But there’d have to be a good media angle to it. I guess they could promote it as the World’s Most Significant Bitch Fight”.

And then I have one of those lightning flashes of genius that will come to be known as the defining signature of Pete Worldâ„¢.

“Either that, or they could replace the Presidential Debate with Nude Jelly Wrestling”†.

“That could be ugly,” she says.

“Not as ugly as what George Bush and his lackeys are doing to the world. And anyway, it would be at least entertaining and no-one would get hurt. In fact, thinking about it, in Pete Worldâ„¢ only women would be allowed to run countries, and the outcomes of all important world conflicts would be decided in the Televised Jelly Wrestling Arena. It just couldn’t be a worse state of affairs than we have at the moment”.

You all really want to come and live in Pete Worldâ„¢, don’t you? There’s one thing I can promise for certain: it would never be boring.


*President of the United States. I learnt that from ‘The West Wing’. Up until then I’d been dropping the diminutives as custom allows, and (obviously foolishly) acronymizing it PUS.

†I don’t mean to suggest that Condy and Hils couldn’t have a meaningful intellectual tête-à-tête, but c’mon, truthfully, what are you more likely to watch on television…?