Tetherd Cow Ahead

Since I posted about the unique Cheeky Whissstling Gnome a little while back, I know that you’ve all been yearning for more treats from the wondrous Penny Miller Catalogue. Today I present for you the Motion Activated Owl, a fit companion for the Whissstling Gnome if ever I saw one!

Yes, this owl, with its ‘menacing glow in the dark eyes’ is not for the faint-hearted. Featuring a ‘true to life hooting sound’ it joins forces with the Gnome to make sure that your garden is cleansed, not only of unwanted intruders, but of ‘birds and other unwanted animals’ as well. Penny Miller, with her Owl & Gnome Army, is evidently aiming to single-handedly demolish both the pest-control and security industries in one fell swoop!

Of course, with all the whistling & hooting, and the staring eyes, it’s distinctly possible that your garden could start to resemble a buck’s night at the Oxford Tavern so you might want to give your neighbours a heads-up. Especially if you live next door to me – I’ll need to get my air-rifle out of the basement.

Reuters reports that Catholics on the Adriatic Coast in Italy are attempting to bring religion to beachgoing holidaymakers by using an inflatable church. Sunbathers can queue up to have their confession heard, and enjoy a five person choir singing hymns in the blow-up basilica.

Oh yeah! Now why don’t they bring that to a beach here somewhere? I’ve been itching for a chance to try out my new crossbow.

It hasn’t been all wine & crackers with the air-filled abbey though. The first attempt to launch it in Sardinia last month was aborted due to strong winds. Now really, if ever there was a Sign…

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Thanks to Kirke for this tidbit.

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Excellent! Some sad, unemployed thoughtful soul has hand-delivered me one of those bizarre catalogues of cheap knick-knacks of which I am so fond (long-time Cow Readers may recall past musing on such must-have items as the Leopard Print Toilet Seat and the Portable Plasma™ Globe from the awesome Innovations people). Today, I present for your scrutiny, from the Penny Miller Catalogue, The Cheeky Whistling Gnome.

Most people, when conjuring up a mental picture of Hell, imagine a place of molten lava with sulphurous flames and black oily smoke, populated by demons with pitchforks.* For my own part, I see myself arriving on the doorstep of Hell to be greeted by a Cheeky Whistling Gnome and ushered into a suburban house comprehensively decorated with useless bric-a-brac from Penny Miller. Thence I expect to be introduced to some irksome proponent of Intelligent Design who will regale me for all eternity with a diatribe of smug ‘we-told-you-so’s‘.†

But I digress: now for a mere $19.90, you too can have a door-stop gnome that will almost certainly propel your visiting friends into a state of near psychosis by assailing them with a cheeky/bold/naughty whissstle every time they approach your house. Somehow, this very same whissstle will also magically ‘deter’ intruders. Unwanted intruders, at least. Wanted intruders will be OK.‡

In addition, you may ‘Delightfully surprise your guests while allowing this cheeky gnome to greet them…’ I’ll accept suggestions for what sort of delightful surprise you might spring on visitors while they’re distracted by the warbling garden ornament.

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*Now where, do you suppose, that the idea of little red devils with pitchforks ever came from?

†No, Mr Creationist Visitor – I don’t really expect this to happen. This is a literary invention, offered here for the purposes of humour.

‡It strikes me that this gnome is MUCH scarier than this gnome…

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A couple of posts back I mentioned Reborn Baby Dolls in the context of The Uncanny Valley and the problem of distinguishing robots from humans.

Well, Comment Number 22 on that post is very interesting because it is conceivable that it might just possibly have been made by a robot:

August 1st, 2008 at 10:19 pm

Tracy adds:

I will say that reborn dolls are the most realistic looking dolls I’ve ever encountered and dealt with, but don’t you think they are as creepy as they are cute? As mentioned before the ones with the open eyes can give a person the chills.

We can certainly entertain the idea that Tracy’s ‘human’ quotient is converging on robot. We know for sure that she is insincere, since her link takes us back to a Reborn Baby Doll site (well, it did before I made it go somewhere much more appropriate. Tsk. No free advertising of your creepy hobby on The Cow, Tracy).

See, this is the problem with the Uncanny Valley; bots, when approaching any level of ‘humanness’ are likely to appear at first as mad people. Or at the very least, untrustworthy people. I am unable to tell whether Tracy is real or a clever bot that has just done a search for Reborn Baby references and mangled some of my words to make it seem as if a real person has commented, embedding a link back to RBD site. Read it again. Does it make any sense to you? The grammar is wrong and the ‘sense’ of the statement is wrong (she’s agreeing with me, but not really…). Additionally, the cadence of the comment is very similar to some kinds of spam I’ve received – and believe me, I’ve read enough spam to get a very good feeling for it.

OK – show of hands – who thinks Tracy is a real person? And now, who thinks Tracy should make some further ‘guest’ appearances on The Cow?

And this little piggy went clubbing, drank one too many Lemon Ruskis, got into a punch-up with a Samoan bouncer and spent the night in the lock-up.

Popular Mechanics website recently carried an article about the ‘fragility’ of the nascent robotics industry and the unlikeliness that we’ll be seeing robots making our martinis anytime soon. Colin Angle, the CEO of iRobot (a company that specializes in ‘home robotics’*) said in his keynote address at the RoboBusiness conference in Pittsburgh last month that ‘the killer app that will drive the industry hasn’t yet emerged‘.

When he says ‘killer app’ I don’t think he’s talking about the heavily armed SWORDS† robots that the US military deployed in Iraq in 2007 and then immediately undeployed when the robotic gun ‘started moving when it was not intended to move‘… Before it could shoot when it was not intended to shoot, one speculates.

You all know my thoughts on robots. I’m thinking that we still have a ways to go even with trusting them to dust the china before we start handing out the AK47s. Not that the US Military (nor indeed the voting majority of the democracy that is the United States of America) seems to require much in the way of actual intelligence (artificial or otherwise) in that respect.

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*When they say home robotics, they evidently mean vacuum cleaners at this point in time…

†Special Weapons Observation Reconnaissance Detection System. Well whaddya want? It’s the military – they’re not known for their literary acumen.

Image swiped from the unmatchably geek-cool Modern Mechanix. Go there now and marvel at the treasures.

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