Tue 22 Sep 2009
The Shadow of Your Smile
Posted by anaglyph under Daft Advertising, Hokum, Spam Observations
[20] Comments
King Willy points me to a site where ‘Melbourne’ ex-smoker and mom ‘Rachel Bell’ on her ‘A Mom’s blog about beauty, cosmetics & staying young’ tells us of a wonderful new discovery that has totally changed her life!
My name is Rachel Bell. I live in Melbourne, 07 (sic) and I want to tell you how I changed my teeth from being something I was ashamed of to being something I’m proud to show off. This teeth whitening trick changed my life and I hope it can change yours too. I’m not a dentist, doctor or medical expert, I’m just a mom[tippy title=”*”]If you really want us to believe she lives in Melbourne you stupid twats, then you’d best do some homework and find out that no-one in Australia spells it like that…[/tippy] who stumbled upon a special combination of two different products that work wonders when put together. This is my story.
This is Rachel:
Isn’t she wholesome-looking? Such a lovely honest girl. This is what Rachel’s teeth looked like before the astonishing teeth-whitening process:
And this is what they looked like after.
Yes, Cowpokes, the two amazing products that Rachel has discovered for whitening her teeth are called a computer and Photoshop!
I’d like to find out more about Rachel, and maybe get a few more of tips for staying young and looking beautiful, but golly, it looks like she’s only made one post on her ‘blog’. And, sadly, the comments to it are closed ‘due to spam’.
You’ll forgive me if I don’t link to it. I think Rachel probably already gets an ample quotient of visitors.
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*If you really want us to believe she lives in Melbourne you stupid twats, then you’d best do some homework and find out that no-one in Australia spells it like that…
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I can tell she uses mental floss.
I wish I could pose so perfect as to get the exact same picture, with the same lighting of my mouth twice! However, if I had 6 caps that unsightly, I probably wouldn’t be showing off my mouth just because
my teeth were a shade or two brightersomeone had turned on more lights.The the truly insidious thing about the photos of Rachel’s teeth is not that they’ve just used exactly the same shot (that would be WAY too obvious) but that they’ve used consecutive photos. The pictures are slightly different, but the lighting setup is exactly the same…
Toothy-pegs, toothy-pegs
Rachel Bell has got ’em.
But as for turning pearly white
She’s lying out her bottom.
Her teef, which once shamd her, she now shows wif pride,
And plans to rveal her secrets.
That said, there aint one dangd good reasn to hide,
Her brightly-lit, Photoshoppd tits.
Rachel’s teeth were scary
So she turned ’em pearly white
Sadly, they’re still scary
Only now they glow at night
Man, I am addicted to the Photoshop crap, I need some help
Rachel’s teeth were yellow
But now they’re nice and bright.
Except for one small missing tooth
That’s just improved her sight.
Those caps are shockers. But if I was a man called Rachel I guess that would be the least of my problems.
Take good care o yer fine teef,
And keep em in yer head;
Else youll hafta put em in,
A jar bside th bed.
A jar like that beside my bed
That had some teeth as well
Would surely make me think
I’d woken up in some weird hell.
When grandma took her teef out,
Not a beat did grandpa miss.
He, whipping out Rasputins jar,
Said, “Sink yer teef in THIS.”
Her friends kept on nagging and chirping
“Your teeth are all yellow from burping!”
She had them replaced
With dentures and paste
Which also improved on her slurping.
Joey: hahaha the best!
I thought it was the same photo with different cropping and the elevated whites have caught the skin tone a bit as well – no?
W
Willy, Willy, Willy…
You can’t sign your comments “W”. Nobody will take you seriously.
King Willy: The photos are actually slightly different, if you look carefully – there is a bigger gap in the teeth in the bottom photo (to the left of centre) and there are slight changes to the corners of the mouth. But they are so slight and the camera angle and the highlights on the teeth so identical that the photos had to be taken in quick succession. A little bit too quick for the whitening product to have taken effect, I submit.
Another giveaway is that ‘Rachel’s’ caps are also now ‘whiter’. As anyone who has had dental work knows, caps are made to match the colour of your teeth when they are fitted. I’m pretty sure that the bleaching products used on teeth (which rely on oxygen bonding with the molecules in the porous structure of enamel) wouldn’t affect these artificially coloured composites.
In fact, a quick search on teeth whitening turns up an FAQ at dentist.net that gives us this information:
Hey look – now Rachel lives in Prince George, BC Canada!!!!
http://www.freewhitersmile.com/2009/index.php?t202id=1121&t202kw=LKVC
When I look at that link she still lives in Melbourne 07 (I don’t know wtf the 07 has got to do with anything…)
I think Rachel has some interesting code in her site that knows the country of the viewing browser (which is where I see you’re from Bill). I notice that her special offer still expires ‘tomorrow’, whatever the date…