This just in:

The Sydney Morning Herald is carrying this story of a bikie(i) who has been charged by police with ‘recklessly dealing with the proceeds of a crime’ after they discovered over $3000 stuffed between his buttocks. It’s bum note for the poor chap who had obviously heard that there was money in crack and was acting on that information. Word on the street is that the 24 year old ‘Rebels’ member, although sitting on a small fortune, only ever paid bottom dollar for goods.

In the opinion of The Cow, this whole affair makes money laundering seem not only an appealing concept, but one that should be made compulsory.

The question that arises from this caper must surely be, however, that if there is a legal charge of ‘recklessly dealing with the proceeds of a crime’, there must logically be an acceptable method of dispersing your filthy lucre. I hereby provide some suggestions for what might be appropriate ways to spend money you’ve hidden up your ass:

• Put it in the plate at church

• Buy a gift for your granny

• Send it to Ugandan children

• Throw a cocaine party for enemy bikie gangs, and provide the dollar bills for snorting

• Do magic tricks for kids (‘Look – nothing up my trousers’)

• Buy goodies from the Tetherd Cow Shoppe (hey, we’re not fussy).

All further suggestions welcome.


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Footnotes:

  1. That is a ‘biker’, to all you Yanks []

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