Weird Messages


Remember this post, from a few weeks back, where we examined the claims of the dude who was in possession of ‘information’ (I use the word advisedly) that 100,000 people were going to die at the London Olympics?

Oh looky. It didn’t happen. Also, the video has been ‘privated’ on YouTube (nothing quite like the internet to make you look like an idiot).

Illuminati: 0, Commonsense: 1.

Some tips for phishermen:

1. A spell-check is probabbly a good idea.

2. When speaking language other than your own, learn how plural work.

3. Proper (companies)hire professionals to make surethat type spacing is correct.

4. Try not to invent wordis that don’t exist in your target language. Also, to use correct grammar.

5. Sense it might good idea be to appear to make.

6. avoid Arbitrary capiTalization.

7. Humour is generally best avoided. Oh, sorry, I see – that wasn’t intentional.

8. A number pulled out of your ass is meaningless and impresses nobody (ref:198550)

This rather bizarre email arrived in my inbox this morning. It didn’t seem to be pitching anything in particular1 and had nothing but a return email address. I present it here for you in full (I have marked points of interest):

Urgent Prayer – My jamaican neighbor next door is bringing all these people with these white exotic cars trucks and especially white mercedes bens people to live with them and throwing yellow sponges on my porch and other stuff in my yard. I want and pray that The Lord will make these people with this white mercedes ben car to move away from next door with marie and michelle right now because they are really getting on my last nerves. Marie and michelle are causing so much trouble for me and trying to make me jealous of them and make other neighbors in our neighborhood jealous of them by having all of these people that they know and do not know to come to their townhouse with white cars and trucks. The Lord Blessed me with a white truck because i was involved in a hit and run accident in 12/10 and i was walking 18 blocks to catch the bus and now marie and michelle next door is so jealous of my white truck and have these people with a white mercedes ben to come and live with them causing trouble for me and trying to make me and the other neighbors in our community jealous. Marie is getting on my last nerve and I am so sick of marie and michelle and all of these other jamaicans who come over to their house next door. Please Pray with me that The Lord will make now the people with this white mercedes ben move and never come back now and nobody else never come there In Jesus Name Amen

Here is a pictorial aid to help you get a better grasp of the scenario:

  1. Unless it’s a cunningly clever advertisement for yellow sponges or Mercedes. Or Jamaican holidays. []

Yet another link in the chain of strange messages left on my answering machine… tonight:

Download

Is Mrs Crap there please? I’d like to speak to her. Oh. Ok. Bye.

Maybe they’re all pieces of some strange puzzle that will make sense some day…

(Oh, and don’t worry, there’s still more to come in the Peter Popoff Saga. Stay tuned!)

Regular Cow visitors will remember some of the weird messages I’ve managed to attract to my answering machine. Today I arrived home to find another one. I can only think that the universe is trying to tell me something. I really wish I understood Universalese.

Chicken machine?

(I totally swear that these are real messages).

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Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, the reason that the nice English lady always says ‘Monday, 12am’ is that every time the power fails the answering machine clock defaults. I used to reset it but I just gave up…

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The latest* in the continuing saga of strange messages left on my answering machine.

Explanations?

*See ‘Half a Bladder’

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